i am being replaced! my parents ordered a new me in the mail. and she arrived on sunday night.
here are her qualifications:
–her name starts and ends with A (…)
–she’s close friends with my studious, perfect, well-married female cousin (she has good taste in people)
–she has a lovely frequent melodic laugh (swell temperament)
–going into medicine (oof)
–fluent in our native tongue (errr)
–smiles a lot (meep)
–comes home on time (uhhh)
–is quiet and well-behaved (shoooot)
–is shadowing my mother at her office so IN FACT is under parental supervision at all times, more or less (phooop*)
I AM DUNZO.
*the sound of a towel being thrown in
i threw the towel in and i packed up my stuff
photo courtesy of Flickr and Mikey aka DaSkinnyBlackMan
one night i will come home and my whole identity will have been erased. and then i’ll go live in the basement with the children’s books and defunct computers.
sadly, a sure sign of things to come, last night, my cellphone went bizarro berserk, and kept calling my house repeatedly without my knowledge. but i did freak out the new houseguest and she came out of her room late at night when i got home to ask me what could be going on?! “i was going on!” i says to her, “nothing to see here! keep it movin’!” no but seriously, i explained the sitch and what she must have thought, i can only guess with trembles. if my parents hear about this, i’m the Sweet Valley High collection’s new spooning buddy.
also i take 15 minutes to pick my knee scabs every night, without fail. at least i humor the remaining scabbage. THERE. i said it. i feel free.