You: How Ya Been? Me: Oh, Hive Been Swell, Thanks!

so who saw FIRE…flies yesterday? did i trick anyone with that last sentence? no? well i didn’t think i would, so there. i could have said FIRE ANTS. that would have been a hoot and a half.

i’m having fun getting to know…me! (this was a note to self…please disregard but also send regards) — actually, speaking of regards, i signed my first BEST on a work email today. how did it make me feel? well *swinging legs up onto arm of couch* let’s see…i felt empowered with a sense of superficial professionalism? yes actually that did need to be expressed as a question. i’m feeling shruggy! what can i say? don’t answer that.

so seriously, i saw and heard some firetwerps yesterday. i call them firetwerps or firequirks or else they get big ideas. remember when people used to say that? HEYyyyyyy WHAT’s THE BIG IDEA?! i’m bringin’ it back. anyway, i hung out with the parents and the visiting cousin yesterday. we went out to dinnah in an empty restaurant. i had coffee after 8pm BECAUSE IT WAS A HOLIDAY Y’ALL!!!

anyway, on our way home we stopped the car in the middle of the residential road to partake of another family’s firetwerps display. like a drive-in. we had just as good a time as they did by all appearances so what’s the big deal? it felt like we were on safari. *cue british accent* observe on our right as the wild united statian middle-income family engages with the annual siren call of pyrotechnics and malt liquor!

i’ve got to hand it to them, the neighbors always pull out all the stops for the 4th
photo courtesy of Flickr and Jef Poskanzer

other recent incidents of note:

***i’ve been breaking into hives a lot lately. i have pseudo-scientifically concluded i break into hives at times of internal stress. this has happened since i was 12. so i guess i got some kind of a puberty + hives package deal. that’s my best guess anyway. and the princeton review says, when all else fails, guess.

anyway, i am pro-hives in that you can look utterly freaktastic one moment, and be back to a semblance of normal within 2 minutes. i am a fan of these types of medical conditions. i will spare my more sensitive readers pictures. once i tried to write a joke about how if i were a superhero, i would be Hive Girl. that would be my superpower. and then if a situation called for a superhero, i would arrive and people would yell “do not fear! Hive Girl is here!” but then instead of doing anything useful, i would just get itchy and puffy, and everyone would be at a loss as to whether to tend to the original situation or to me.

***the other night i was at the wendy’s drive-thru with burgos. he ordered a spicy chicken sandwich with no mayo. then the guy behind us also ordered a spicy chicken sandwich. then the guy taking our orders said, “i need two spicy chicken sandwiches! one without mayo, the other all mayo!” all mayo? that sounds like just mayonnaise instead of a sandwich. hold the chicken, i’ll just be having the mayo please. truth be told, i was 1/3 horrified, 1/3 intimidated, 1/3 inspired, 1/3 starry-eyed. i know it doesn’t make sense, but neither did the situation. fair? fair.

all mayo, hold the sandwich
photo courtesy of Flickr and rick

***yesterday andy haynes called to wish me a happy 4th of july. so nice, yeah? but get this, he called me while he was playing jenga. i don’t know if this has ever been done before. there are certain games that when played are not conducive to phone usage. i don’t think i’m being an outlaw in saying one of those games is jenga.

other possibilities:
~chess (esp. if you’re playing a computer…they’re tricky)
~ping pong (just a suggestion)
~dream phone (the game itself already involves a phone. i mean, have some class)

this guy knows better than to jenga-dial people.
photo courtesy of Flickr and tyrian123

6 thoughts on “You: How Ya Been? Me: Oh, Hive Been Swell, Thanks!

  1. Mandrake says:

    We can’t do fireworks at my house because I curl up under the couch and start trembling uncontrollably. You know what product I should start vending? Instant Karma Relief. I envision it as a topical cream that you apply when you have done something really horribly terribly shameful and it would repel the universal balancing forces. Of course, from the expertise I have pieced together from the Back to the Future trilogy and Dr Fate comics, it might have some downsides: It would probably end up putting bad mojo on someone else that didn’t deserve it or maybe end up messing up the mystical realm and throwing the cosmos into relativistic chaos. Also it would be an opiate.

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