Guilt Is a Dish Best Served Directly Onto Your Head

Melancholy Announcer: And the FLAKING OUT MVP AWARD goes to…

*one sad drumbeat*

Needs-a-Naparna, with all the rights and privileges pertaining thereto… i.e., social stigma and gradual withering of all close relationships!

As you all probably figured, NAN couldn’t be here tonight. So here she is accepting the award via live telecast to her bedroom…

camera opens on NAN’s bedroom and NAN in bed. camera zooms in to NAN lying face down on pillow. she rolls over to face the camera.

NAN: Oh…err..hello.

I have to say…I truly was expecting this…and so my list has been prepared for some time now. I am truly dishonored to receive this, and in its acceptance, acknowledge my exemplification as a poor friend and a worthless statesman.

I’d like to blame…

~mild narcolepsy~

without you, i would never have been able to sleep 12+ hours, break for 1, and then sleep another 4 easy.

~excessive sunlight~

without you, i could never quite create the same degree of general fatigue and bodily discomfort, whose only cure is complete unconsciousness.


without you, i could never have the beautiful hallucinogenic dreams that make being awake like watching the infomercial channel rerun marathon.

~overambitious planmaking~

without you, i would probably schedule things reasonably, and thereby actually show up, and not constantly make it seem like i’m a creature of ill-breeding and worse repute.

~bread and cheese diet~

without you, i could never make the hours of 9am-6pm seem like a pillow for my brain.


without you, things would probably occasionally achieve some follow through.

and, of course, how could i forget…(duh is how)…

~my amnesia pills~

without you, i’d probably actually learn from my past mistakes.


well, i’ve made my bed…now i must lay in it. actually, that’s my problem. i can’t stop laying in my bed.

(fade to black to a soundtrack of zzzz’s)

puppies, unlike me, often enjoy guiltfree slumbertimes
photo courtesy of Flickr and ngader

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