Gimme a Break (Room)!

The items that are up for grabs in our office kitchen are getting weirder and weirder.

Today when I entered said kitchen to peel an old, dried up orange, this is the sight that met my eyes (but did not meet them halfway―to be fair to reality):

  • An empty plastic container that, at the prime of its life, used to be full of Biscotti. However the lid was screwed on tight as if to say, “The goodies are gone, but the vessel is still ripe for the pillaging!
  • A basket containing one unopened 6-pack of regular-size Hershey milk chocolate bars, one pint of Half & Half, and some sort of a cleaning/cooking rag. Offensive.
  • Three supersized Pixy Stix. Nobody should consume anything of this size at work. Especially if said item is just concentrated sugar.
  • A small blue bucket full of raw peanuts (still in shells). No. Unacceptable.
  • Sad proof below…

    Giant Pixy Stik up-close:

    Giant Pixy Stik in all its glory: O rly, coworkers?! I know it’s finally Friday, but sheesh. Dropping red flags like these right before the weekend is just unnecessarily cruel.

    Anyway, it’s time to eat my geriatric citrus snack.

    UPDATE!!! The basket with the Half & Half and chocolate were actually not up for the taking! They were just part of a fondue assembly kit, and the basket has since been replaced with a tray of delectable strawberries and raspberries escorted by a earthernware pot of still-warm chocolate goo.

    The raw peanut bucket, however, still remains untouched. (Where did it even come from? Someone’s fever dream that happened to take place at an absurdist baseball game between Team Accounting and Team Sales?)

    Leave a Reply