Google It Yourself! On Second Thought, Don’t.

Here’s one fast way to freak yourself out.

Stay up until 2 a.m. googling jaw surgery patients and their recovery efforts. The best case scenario for post-op photos is a marshmallow with a face.

Then, because you like committing to masochism, sign up for the Yahoo! Groups support network for jaw surgery recipients of the past, present, and future, complete with mailing list.

Then read all the emails you get straight to your inbox about the latest crisis in genioplasty and orthognathic procedures gone wrong. Here’s what these measures will not do—numb you right up.

Also mild depression is required and expected during the recovery process.

Required.

A crust is required to make a standard pie.

Prealgebra is required to take Algebra.

Why are hopelessness and black thoughts mandatory for a puffy head framed by an ice donut who can only stomach lukewarm baby foods dribbled in through its nostrils (nostrils, as in the back-up to a functional mouth)?

Oh, I guess I just answered my own question.

Heehoo wah.

Also people on this mailing list keep referring to how they feel good about their new face one day and mad about it another day (depending on the day I guess), and it’s creepy as futz.

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