Artificial Sentiments for the Most Heartfelt Fake Criers

For my next trick, I’m attempting this holiday card nonsense. Writing and mailing them out, I mean.

So far, it’s going aight. That is alright minus the “L,” which means I’m barely hangin’ in there (leave off the last G for guessing how long I will last).

I did catch the end of The Sound of Music to replenish my stock of mushy+warm goodness in the ticker region to aid me in my writing of teeth-grittingly-saccharine summary messages of hope, cheer, and commentary on which pen I picked to write said friendship eulogy.

However, the fact that I want to put two days into each card and yet I just physically and mentally can’t, coupled with the grim reality that I can’t afford to make up the difference in crap note with over-the-budget-but-thoughtful gift, is enough to crack the faith of even the staunchest believer in the OCD religion.

Anyway, I’m thinking I will last through the A’s and then all bets are off. The pressure is ridiculous. Also, the family photo cards are questionably adorabullsheet, but if I did that, I would have to send a lithograph of me (a grown person) with my two even more grown parents behind my shoulders looking down at me disparagingly as I attempt to “hold” my life together in the form of a forced smile.

Who even likes getting carded?! I mean, sure, it’s flattering, but everyone dreads it. I mean holiday carded, for the vinyl.

photo courtesy of I Can Haz Cheezburger

2 thoughts on “Artificial Sentiments for the Most Heartfelt Fake Criers

  1. i <3 gilmore girls says:

    Oh, you are sending out cards this year? (god, please let me get one) That’s interesting (I will kill myself if I don’t get a card from Aparna). Well, I suppose I will just glance by the mailbox on my way home from work today. I might have a bill or two coming in. (CAN I HINT ANY HARDER THAT I ABSOLUTELY NEED A CARD?)

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