I Taught My Dog to Fetch Me the Paper, but I Taught Him Using the Alternate Definition of Paper, as in $$MONEY$$! (You’re the Man Now, Dawwwg!)

So I thought that someone with more musical distribution permits than me (I’m no pirate! Up topical!) should make a mix of Hot-Hawt-Hottay Taxxx Traxx that people could jam to while they’re calibrating their W2s, W4s, W9s, 1040s, 1099s, etc./making their demonstration posters.

It would start out really positive and gung ho materialism and then slowly degenerate into hopelessness and delusional delirium. In other words, nothing about it would preach financial responsibility.

In case you have objections, I’ll have you know that not all of these songs even fit my tastes, and this list is by no means exhaustive. I just happen to like to do paperwork to a combination of hip hop, super-dance-pop, rock ballads, and Broadway musical hits, and a coupla humdingers for good measure.

Anyhizzy, here’s what I got do-re-mi-so far, and from the looks of my sleep deprivation-fueled research, all you need is a sick bass line to make sure all your dividends and lime fruit roll-ups (my juicy expression for wads of cash) are squared away and cleared for irresponsible usage.

Note: Each song+artist links to a video of the song—though not necessarily the official video, before everyone’s Type A panties simultaneously bundle.

Without further ado about nothing:

You Tube Hot Taxxx Traxxx Playlist

1) Money (from Cabaret, feat. Liza Minelli & Joel Grey)
2) Glamorous—Fergie
3) Material Girl—Madonna
4) Bling Bling—BG feat. Cash Money Millionaires
5) Rich Girl—Gwen Stefani
6) Make It Rain—Fat Joe
7) Independent Woman—Destiny’s Child
8) I Get Money—50 Cent (featuring the adorably slapworthy phrase, “stanky rich”)
9) Got Your Money—O.D.B.
10) Money—Pink Floyd
11) Moneytalks—AC/DC
12) Money—Michael Jackson
13) C.R.E.A.M.—Wu Tang Clan
14) Money in the Bank—Swizz Beatz
15) Hustler Musik/Money on My Mind—Lil Wayne
16) Let’s Get This Paper—Rich Boy
17) She Works Hard for the Money—Donna Summer
18) Gold Digger—Kanye West
19) Money Honey—State of Shock
20) Money in My Pocket—Wiley feat. Mark Ronson
21) Mo’ Money Mo’ Problems—Notorious B.I.G.
22) Taxman—The Beatles
23) You’ve Got to Pick a Pocket or Two (from the Broadway smash hit Oliver!)

Oops, there’s the dinner bell. Time to go split a legume among friends, Mickey and the Beanstalk-style!

Appropriately, I will leave you with a Scrooge McDuck cartoon short about money:

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