Stuff Like This Only Happens Once in a NEW MOON

[I haven’t blogged in awhile…don’t think you were the only one who hasn’t.]

But here’s a little something of no consequence except that it’s extremely timely and topical, so how’s that for relevance?! (Rhetorical, that’s how!!!)

Sometimes for stand up, it’s good to videotape or just voice-record your sets so you can listen to them or watch them again (relive the horror, I like to call it). In so doing, you can learn from your mistakes & grow used to the general repulsion of watching/listening to yourself perform.

Anyway, my personal audio recorder has decided no more, no more of this thankless toil. It has started distorting my voice in a weird ghostastic way, like when your Walkman used to die, back in the olden days. So I did what any rational human bean would do. I replaced the batteries with fresh ones.

Problem solved, righto?! Wrongozoid, in fact! I tried playing back a set last night and interspersed with the words themselves were metallic alien communications plus my voice itself alternated between chirpy chipmunk and whale song with a dash of auto-tune.

So it’s official. I’m a voice vampire. Did you catch that?! Yup. VOICE VAMPIRE. Vampires have no reflections and they need to be invited to enter someone’s house. My voice is no longer recordable even if I attempt to invite it onto a tape recorder.

Standard issue litmus test of cool.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Ivan Gabovitch

Luckily (for me only), VAMPIRES are cool right now. I can prove it by the masses of women (with the occasional odd man in) who were seated in groups on the floor no less (like we were in some type of common airport) waiting for the release of Twilight: New Moon last night at the suburban mall.

What if Robert Pattinson’s voice was garbled for the entire movie?! WHAT IF?!!?!!?!? Subtitles and more angst, that’s what!!!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Angie22Arts

Anyway, though I know it’s just a fad (both the Twilight saga and me being a vampire), for now, I’ll wear the black, I’ll drink the Kool-Aid, and I’ll suffer the hipness of it all.

In the tweentime, would anyone like to listen to my Speaking in Tongues in Cheeks remix? (That’s what all my sets sound like now: a tongue in a cheek with a foot squished in that very same mouth so nothing is intelligible and everything is uneasy.)

Actual new moon. Very tasteful.
photo courtesy of Flickr and tallpomlin

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