The Wifi Password Is Crowdsourcing

I decided to sit at the communal table in this coffee shop because I wanted to be part of the solution. But instead this is the place where nobody has private convos, or is seemingly here to accomplish anything except talk inappropriately loudly about their Kickstarter project. Everybody looks around occasionally to make sure you are aware of them, and constantly shifts on these group benches so that the sequel to the Industrial Revolution is but a lucid fever dream.

Someone’s phone alarm just went off to remind her to be more annoying.

Near me, a woman eats veggie chili like it matters. I have no issue with her. She looks like she doesn’t believe in Kindles.

Actually, a woman at the other end is yell-whispering to her colleague nee frenemy. This is what she just said: “I’ve seen how hard you work for other people. I’ve seen how hard you work for yourself. You’re just a little freakyass nerd.”

Then she excused herself citing “I have to get a Twizzler.”

And the bench weight shifts and my coffee shudders and the appropriated world music CD plays on…

A poster in the corner melodramatically reads “This too shall pass” as if to say “I’m just a dorm room conversation starter. What do I know?!?”

There is also a cat walking around like he is about to fire all of us for existing. I couldn’t agree more.

Gettin’ Sketchy With It

Wanted to share two funtastic sketches I got to be a part of that just made their World Wide Webuts, written by two lovely & hilarious ladyfaces.

1. Miss Wallflower USA, written by Tia Ayers

http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

2. A Little Girl Talk, written by Honora Talbott

http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

Carry on, figurative bellhops!

Sketchers Shape Ups

Hiya Internet Mavens! It’s been a bit, hasn’t it?! Here are two funtastic sketches I had the pleasure of taking part in, masterminded by two brilliant & hilarious ladies. 1. Miss Wallflower USA, written by Tia Ayers http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

2. A Little Girl Talk, written by Honora Talbott http://player.ordienetworks.com/flash/fodplayer.swf

Enjoy! Be good! Livestrong bracelet! Aparna

Leap Day: The Stunning Conclusion

ACT I: Toot Sweet

Conversation with Boyfriend (Taped in front of a live studio audience of dust motes):

Me: Did you fart?

Him: Yes, but over here.

Me: Oh good. I thought there was a gas leak.

Him: What!

Me: The entire atmosphere changed.

ACT II: Next Level Real Talk

THIS VIDEO WALKED UP TO MY LIFE & SAID “DEAL WITH THIS.” THEN MY EYES & EARS WERE LIKE “WE ARE NOT WORTHY.” PASS IT ON & 10 OF YOUR FRIENDS WILL EXPERIENCE MANIFEST DESTINY.

The production value is Linsane (This is how people talk now. Get with it, spambots!), not to mention the pitch-perfect soundtrack. Basically, this is the voice of the Latest Generation.