Tag: delusions of grandeur

Eat Local, Buy Local, Stalk Locals?

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Oh goodness! My picture was in the newsprint today! The paper-azzi finally got me!

Woot hoot. Up there in the lefthand corner! But not just me. My improv group Jinx is to the right of me, and then my comrade Jay Hastings is the full-body shot, and comrade Seaton Smith is the taped-up bloke.

(Infitudinal thanks due to The Hillz.)

Big weekend with the DC Comedy Fest! Come see a show if you want!

Details here.

Tickets available here.

I’ll be giving out hugs and autocrats after the shows. Yes, autocrats; as in people I find qualified to tyrannically rule imaginary nations/city-states/fiefdoms. I’ve been collecting them for an indeterminate amount of time. I have plenty to spare. Plus they all have good manners despite their hunger for limitless power.

***

In less promotional news, I saw this woman stroller-jogging this morning. But she was no mere mommy. Every bit of her was rippling with discipline and firmness. Her 12-pack was even yelling drill sergeant smacktalk at her to push her faster, higher, stronger. She was beyond jacked, and furthermore, she wasn’t afraid to show it, with her matching sportswear tiny top/spandex hotpants action!

My main goal was I wanted to see what her offspring looked like, and witness the child’s reaction to having such a powerhouse of a matriarch. What next happened is a miracle.

I suddenly realized the stroller was occupied by a baby doll! A mere plaything! A plastic toy!

I thought Wonder Woman was trying to prove something intense before, even if just to herself, but this changed the game entirely.

Ok, so I’m not exactly 100 percent certain on the last part. But how much greater is it my way (rhetorical, that’s how much)!

To be fair, the child was flopping around like a felt puppet because of this woman’s megastride, and it could’ve been anyone’s mistake.

Similar to this, but instead picture just one woman taking on the world!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Dawn – Pink Chick

I Make Sold Records

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Today, in homage to Dance Party Wednesday, I put on my headphones (one ear on, one ear off natch so I could hear if the phone rang with the latest chart rankings) and pretended to be a record producer. I stared at the wall intently while listening to several blazin’ new artists, and I greenlighted 9 out of 10 projects with a smile implying I-smell-some-serious-future-Grammy action.

The project I put on hold was just someone’s voicemail messages, and I told them, bring it back to me in a week with a hook and a bass line. So don’t even start with me about the 9 out of 10.

Oh yeah, this is the good stuff!
photo courtesy of Flickr and TedsBlog

Too bad all of the artists are already represented, and their songs are already produced.

It was an exercise, people…an exercise in positive thinking.

Guess what? It worked.

I got an afternoon full of hottt beatz

and

I just made several peoples’ dreams come true in retrospect

and

there was NO paperwork.

Apparently, not a lot of people enjoyed this video. But in my opinion, it just gets better the longer you watch it. It’s a momentous example of weird-good.