I Am Not Down With the Sickness

I have had some sort of head, nose, and throat bug for the last three days, and guess what? I am being a real double baby about it. Yeah, exactly.

Throw yourself an anti-surprise party because the revelation is anything but one. Oh, might I mention that one of my symptoms is lack of general amusement by anything and anyone? Oh wait, this still managed to tickle me. But it involved someone crying. That’s where I’m at right now.

The truth is when my body suffers even the slightest of unscheduled malaise (so no, somehow double surgeries did not have the same effect on me because I was given a warning), I go into ultimate self-pity mode. This manifests itself through the following behaviors: talking to my stuffed animals, making a cocoon out of my blanket, and hoarding napkins and tissues. I seem to be obsessed with softness and comfort. The Snuggle Bear is wise to stay far, far away. I also enjoy mashed, warm foods during these times. If I could eat a mildly seasoned pillow, I would.

This dog is hard up for soft.
photo courtesy of Flickr and dregsplod

As with most mysterious seasonal ailments, mine has been cycling through some phases of symptoms. Phase 1 was sore throat, post-nasal drip, head congestion, and general fatigue. We trundled ahead into Phase 2 yesterday, which was cough (racking during sleepy times), body aches, and mouth soreness (due to braces getting tightened, but it didn’t help, nosirree). Today marks the debut of Phase 3: persistent cough, occasional sneezing, body aches, runny nose, and fatigue.

HELLO! I HAVE A LIFE!!!


Body, hang in there.*

Bug inside body, please check out by noon tomorrow.**

*Specifically come don a Snuggie and relax by electric candlelight*** in a hot tub full of cotton balls.

**You will not be surcharged for the fact that you left your room a holy mess, including totally disrupting the interior decoration scheme and utterly ravaging the minibar.

***Fire is not something I feel capable of dealing with right now.