The Superpowers That Be

To clear the airwaves, yes, half my head did appear a couple times on the Last Comic Standing premiere last night. Also about half a second of me frolicking offstage. The fame is going to half of my head already. Why just this morning I had to indulge in starting a few lies about myself, and circulating them between the alarm clock and…myself. Lies such as “I don’t need you telling me how to run my life, clock!” and “Maybe just five more minutes…”

In other (literally) breaking news, I was adjusting my sunglasses on my forehead this morning, when they snapped clean in half. It was a moment straight out of a comic-book action hero movie. More specifically, the scene near the beginning wherein the hero/heroine is first discovering his/her superpowers. What do you mean you don’t get it? Ok, so I didn’t accidentally melt a wall with my mind. But my shades literally just snapped in half, and I barely touched them!

Sunglasses half empty.

What do you mean they were probably cheap? How dare you!

I mean it’s true, but still, how dare you!

The Bauble-Bustin’-Babe and her sidekick Trinketz the Alarm Clock are not amused.

I Am a Mourning Person

this morning has been cliche-exhaustingly bad.

* couldn’t get car out of garage. hit both sides and then bumped into another car; however, was going so slow, everything happened in slow-mo realtime–thanks gawdness. (check)
* raining (check)
* mac truck tried to run me off road (check)
* couldn’t park car in parking garage, took 4-5 attempts (check)
* parking delay caused lateness (check)
* creepy barista reappeared. apparently he stopped barista-ing to take another job nearby. upon sight, did not spare me the “excuse me. where have you been all my life?” line. (check)
* nice coworker held door for me as i was coming up stairs. said “i’ll save you the trouble.” then, of course, i trip on the stairs, splashing coffee all over myself and incapacitating my dignity. (check)

at this point i say, alright universe, bring it.