Let Me Just Put on My Introspectacles for a Minute Here…

My afternoon meal today was a straight-up callback-to-smellementary-school (remember the first time you smelled BO in 3rd or 4th grade? I do. How about farts? No? Nothing? I don’t mean your own!) cafeteria lunch. The entree was slimy noodles, liquified tomato paste, and faux-ground round, and you had to peel back plastic and nuke sufficiently to get to it. I feel proud and slightly self-conscious, but mostly proud. I ate it by myself in an empty room without looking up…just like old times!

An all-ages treat!
photo courtesy of Flickr and foundphotoslj

***

I realized this inconclusive characteristic about myself today. Whenever someone makes eye contact with me in a hallway coming the other way, I routinely grin but I try to hold the smile and then fade it slowly (on my own time because I’m considerate) after we’ve passed each other.

Otherwise you get the compulsory flash-smile that suddenly shifts into the default grimace-frown, which reeks of fake boobiness (people being fake boobies, not real fake breasts. On second thought, real fake breasts sounds weird but you know what I mean). Also holding the smile makes you feel weirdly better about yourself and your honorable intentions with the world that day.

I also realized I immediately look at the ground after making eye contact with people as if to reacquaint myself with my position in the world. The way peasants would look down in the presence of royalty! I’m a real toegazer. And I don’t even paint my toenails so it’s not for aesthetic reasons. My toes are functional but they’re not supermodels.

I’m going to try to look up instead from now on…at the sky! And wink at some stars or clouds. For your information, we have some inside jokes, the sky and I. I think the ground and I have even more though, but here’s to deepening friendships with inanimate objects. In my new attempts at social climbing, the sky will be the limit (literally)! I’m afraid people might think I’m rolling my eyes though. Ah well, one must make sacrifices for self-esteem!

***

My sister is here for one night AND one night only (on loan from the other side of the world)! She has a long list of demands, and requires me to play the part of the earnest chauffeur all around and around we go. Hopefully, on the way, there will be some catch-up time. Between Barnes & Borders and Java the Hut, perhaps we can squeeze in a few cheek kisses and head pats. Best Buy is so unromantic for familial reunions. Oh, you need another plastic seat cover? Let me wrap it up in my current life journeys.

This is pure delight (there are seven other parts to watch if you need more):

(Via Will)

And forgive me because I might not say it everyday but love you and miss you, Alice.

Make New Vices, But Keep the Old

exhibit A (of recent Acquisition):

whenever standing still, i’ve adopted the lindsay “WWLD” lohan/paris “jail is not hot” hilton/celebutante method of perching one hand precariously-in-the-guise-of-nonchalance on the hip, as if to say, “photograph me, i dare you.” however, i carry neither the fashion muster nor the self-assurance to actually hold up the look. so really, it just looks forced. but surprisingly, it makes even linoleum feel like the red carpet. and wednesday mornings seem like oscar night. guilty as am-ex-charged.

examples:
here, here,
here
and, oh wow,
headless but here.

exhibit B (since Birth):

the addiction to looking down. i was recently told (and i already knew, oh how i knew!) that i look down too much onstage during my comedic attempts. frankly, it’s because i find the floor sexy, and eye contact overrated. however, in the entertainment industry, any indication of fear or wavering is suckerpunched like a blow-up clown doll already leaking helium. in an effort to amend my eastern-oriented ways, i’ve been looking up more in my day-to-day life. and there is a lot going on up here, folks. a lot to process. now i can’t stop staring at everything and everybody. i’ve apparently been missing a lot. however, i do have an intimate knowledge of feet and ground animals after years of studying them. oops, time for my eye exercises.


where is this utopia?
photo courtesy of Flickr and jaygooby

other niblets:

kanye west knows how to keep some serious house.

the urge to snuggle is still alive and well in the universe.