This Is Only a Test (& Yet It Could Determine Your Very Uncertain Future!)

So they’re* testing fire alarms all day at work today.

Pretty standard stuff. And yet…and yet…pretty darn uncivilized as well!

They kindly posted a few signs here and there informing everyone of the testing, and they even sent out an AllStaff email a day in advance.

But still, part of me hoped and prayed that it was some kind of a cruel joke.

But no. Of course not. Piercing sirens have been going off every five or so minutes for the past 30 minutes, and it’s not even lunchtime!

It’s very strange to just sit and listen to “please leave the building immediately” warning noises and flashing lights that jab into the very core of your well-being, and try and act as if it’s, ho hum tiddly dee, just another regular day.

I did put on my headphones, but it’s mostly a formality. They ain’t doin’ poop.


And I’m sure the hypothetical scenario has crossed everyone’s mind that if someone decided to start a fire during this time, no one would leave because they’d think it was still a test.

But I think people are already leaving because we feel like cornered lab rats in a rigged maze where there’s no way to win.

I suddenly understand why they decided to give us our ice cream party today.

P.S. Some of that ice cream is going in my ears and eyes.


*Please imagine they as whomsoever you choose, in whatever monster-like visage that may be. I’m sure you won’t be far off in your guesstimation.

If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Go Outside Because It’s Freezing

Yesterday, the firm alarm went off at work after mostly everyone had left (hence all the people that were still there were trying to finish last-minute, time-sensitive, very important stuff).

There is no word that can convey the sense of agony I felt upon hearing that piercing screech.

There is a gesture combined with a noise though (covering my ears and gently whimpering, if you must know).

Waiting outside while fire truck after fire truck pulled up to investigate a bad light fixture was just short of tragical. But the parade of burly calendar models charging in with axes and masks pushed it over the top straight into dinner party anecdote territory.

But again, work bonding and camaraderie occurred like a charm bracelet between us poor drones who were fatefully caught in Limbo—mainly due to the easy consensus on two simple frozen-water-cooler topics: “Wait’ll everyone hears about tomorrow!” and “It’s so bleeping cold.”

That’s the stuff that’ll kick down the toughest firewall between acquaintances and upgrade your systems right quick to Forced Friendship 2.0!