I See Your Normalcy Request, and Raise You One Eyebrow and a Whirligig

I. Underblogged in New York

I spent this past weekend in NYC. Some people I am privileged to know live there.

I also got to do some shows (both way fun and hosted by way fun people). But in between all that hobnobbing and stagestomping, I got to experience this perky little thing called LIFE IN THE BIG CITY.

Here were the top three incidents of note.

1. Arrived in NYC and got off bus, walked about 2 blocks. Passed a man standing behind a homeless charity table. He yelled, “Help the homeless! (Aside to himself but still quite audibly) I forget how f$%kin’ stupid they all are! (This was either directed at all of us, or at other homeless people, or at the voices in his head; it was unclear.) Heeeelp the homeless, New York!” It was quite an angry outburst in the name of charity.

2. Was walking and went into a Border’s bookstore for a potty break, and the woman in line in front of me in the restroom is dancing a little! Granted, they were playing some club hit over the intercom system but then, as if my eyes were questioning their reality, she started really gettin’ down. I mean, I guess something’s gotta get the rhythm going and the pipes flowing before you enter the stall, or maybe it was straight up just her pee dance and she had added some flair to it. I might never know the answer, and I’m OK with that.

3. Was at a show in Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and two rappers stopped by for part of the show. And the comic onstage asked them who they were (naturally, because they sat right up in the front bursting with Brooklyn pride), and it turns out, it was Johnny Brooklyn himself and his “brother” (in his own words) Numbers. They were the perfect possible pair to show up at a comedy show in Brooklyn on that fated night, but alas they had to leave early to go watch their “brother” Beans perform at another venue nearby. Yes. Beans.

I am so content about the aforementioned events, I could just shimmy in the bathroom.

Who can stay neutral when it comes to the charms of the outer boroughs?!
photo courtesy of Flickr and laverrue

II. Panic at the Drop of a Gchat!

Even more Gchat issues…

I realized today that every time someone writes something on Gchat along the lines of:

I have to tell you something.

I gotta be honest with you.

OR

Hey listen…

I freak out and prepare for the worst, which usually turns out to be a) a link to a funny clip, b) a weird news story, or c) an admission of guilt about something ridiculous along the lines of not wearing socks that day.

I have to say though,it gets me every time! I don’t know why I’m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. But I do kind of mentally batten down the hatches with morbid delight. Human nature is really something else, I’ll tell you what!

To Dream, Perchance to Caffeinate

Blurgh. I thought three weeks without coffee would allow me to pooh-pooh my addiction right in the face, but it seems these days I just reminisce nostalgically about my former BFF (yes, as in holding hands with giant takeaway cup frolicking through a field), and about how much more alert I would be if I could just have one teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy sip. The very idea of it is like a sweet melody gently massaging my ears.

I mean, I’m all for naps (for example, I voted yes on Prop ZZzzZz), but a 24-hour zombie dreamstate is a bit much, even for me.

Coffee cups make for great moments of reflection.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Gunjan Karun

On a more life-sustaining note, every day this week has been a reason to celebrate some occasion in the office, whether it be a farewell party or a holiday potluck or a gift basket arriving fortuitously and perkily, and today, a birthday!

It really doesn’t get old. I can’t imagine this getting old. I just can’t. I know there was that Seinfeld episode where Elaine got sick of office cake, but I often yearn for superficial conversation and forced camaraderie right in the middle of the day, and it happens just like clockwork.

***

I was most recently advised to joke around with the negative voices in my head, i.e., the ones who disparage everything I do.

I’m going to try it out on paper first. I named my voice Negativitina. Yeah, don’t worry, she thought it was dumb too.

Negativitina: You are doing a horrible job. Everybody hates you. Please give up immediately.
Me: Oh, Tina! You put the T in tease! I swear, it’s just all sunshine and candy rain with you. Hee heee hooo hohooooo!

I’m thinking that I might have to come up with better burns. At this point, I’m trying to tame a phoenix with a squeaky toy. I should go read some YouTube comments. That will pwn the n00b right out of me.

***

In conclusion, Gchat conversations that are NEVER OK look a little something like this:

Oh but there’s more…