Start Playing Games With My Heart! Leave My Brain Out of It!

Here is a one-time-only game that I play sometimes. It is ultimately pointless and extremely specific, but highly enjoyable in the mome (new slang for moment).

I take the only two movies that I can quote: Home Alone and Jurassic Park.

Then I have sporadic mini-conversations in my head that go like this!


JP: Hold onto your butts!

HA: I made my family disappear!

JP: He left us! He left us! But that’s not what I’m gonna do.


HA: Buzz! Your girlfriend! Woof!!!

JP: Shoot ‘er! Shoot ‘er!

HA: Keep tha change, you filthy animal!


JP: Clever guhl. *mime being torn apart by a velociraptor*

HA: Look what ya did, you little jerk!

That’s it! That’s the game!!! Nobody won, nobody lost, and nobody cheated, but everybody FEELS cheated. And that’s really all that matters.

P.S. FRAKIN’ ORMSOME Inner-view with Conan the O’Barian!!!

What a Game-Changing Difference a Day Makes!

You know how when people are all caught up in their personal hot pickle soups, other people will tell them, “Don’t worry. One day, you’ll look back on all of this and laugh!”?

So it finally happened.

I wrote the following yesterday, and today…well frankly, it’s laughable. [I put it in blue to emphasize the passage of time, and what a different person I am now.]


I am in a bad mood today. It’s not the worst mood. It’s quite manageable in case you were wondering. But it’s not awesome either. On a scale of fun to 10, I would give it a solid ‘No comment.’

However, it has led to much introspection on my part. But not useful introspection in which I lay out past mistakes and diagram “the better way” similar to a constructive nursery school post-timeout breakdown sesh, but rather, peripherally thinking about one offhand comment I made at a party once for 30 to 45 minutes straight or licking my lips, at first in a reasonable manner but very quickly in an unnecessarily desperate way.

I need to execute some kind of dramatic move to change the trajectory of this afternoon.”

Hahahahah! Whooooooooo. What a naive schmoe I was back then! If I could write a letter to Yesterday Me, I wouldn’t! What a waste of stamps!