Vanity Hair

I realize even if I have no words of value to add as of recent, I shouldn’t just announce I’m getting a haircut and then leave people wondering what it looks like.

So these pictures are more out of generosity than any sense of ego or pride. Don’t misconstrue my intentions.

Also, I already did notice that my face is long, my nose is big, my skin is brown, and I have a lazy eyelid, so all diligent anonymous and pseudonymous Internet commenters can take a day off from their endless labor. Camman, you guys deserve it! Preaching the truth and telling it like it is all the time can get wearing on even the most tireless work ethic.

Cheerio, pip pop!

The What About Bob?


As for the cut itself, it was conducted under mild to moderate duress. I showed up 20 minutes late for my appointment wild-eyed and bearing a web photo of Mandy Moore on the red carpet. My stylist still generously agreed to keep me on his list of duties. He had to juggle me with two other clients, and to top it all off, my shampoo girl accidentally hit the shower jet with her elbow, which sent a cascade of water flying across the entire salon, the ensuing puddle from which another stylist almost wiped out in. Despite all the ballyhoo, a job well shorn!

Noodle Bowl Cut

To expand on a Twitter (which might defeat the purpose, but I don’t care),

I consider noodle bowls a form of cooking.

You have to cut open all the ingredients using some kind of sharp object…including a small seasoning packet of “vegetables.” And don’t forget the spices and sauces!

(This is the cooking part so pay moderately close attention.)

Unite them in holy matrimony.

Then nuke ’em into even holier fusion.

Then burn your hands off when you try and procure the plastic demon bowl from the microwave.

Anyway, the end result is a sodium-enriched, vegetable-shard-sprinkled, quasi-authentic-tasting culinary masterpiece.

Also, you will not regain feeling in your fingers until a few hours later.

Yeah, just like this but I simply imagined the complicated parts!
photo courtesy of Flickr and jslander

In Even Less Relevant News:

I am getting a hair cut tomorrow hence the blog title. I consider hair appointments like parties. You just don’t know who’s gonna be there or what you’ll end up saying or who you end up going home with! LADIESSSSSSSSSSSZ!!! Am I right?!?

The Onion continues dominating!

Garden Statements

Oh! I wrote this month’s NBC blog about Alice. I keep thinking about her, and it felt right.


Why did no one tell me about Nick Drake earlier?! And I have to go and learn these things from books. Just kidding; there’s no better way to find out about cool things than through books that are made of fiction, based in reality. You feel like you’ve been let in on a best-kept secret. Most fitting that I learn about Nick Drake through Nick Hornby.

(speaking of Nicks, Nick Turner called me a pixie yesterday)

Listen to the Drake here. Zach Braff went googly-eyed for this guy. What’s stopping the rest of us? Besides Zach Braff forcing his tastes on us, I mean.

Enough pop references! The new haircut. Well; it has returned to its natural, free, curly, unkempt state. My head looks like some kind of microcosm of chaos, but hey, I’m not apologizing. What you see is what you get!

I am still obsessed with the psychology behind mass emails and the reply-all function. Especially when those mass emails concern comedians. It immediately turns into a WHO DA FUNNIEST competition, arbitrated by no one because no one cares, and yet the ones duking it out with slams and counter-retorts care far beyond what is appropriate for a weekday afternoon.

I’ll give you a completely random example!

Sender: FooBear
Recipients: ChooBear, RooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, GlooBear
Subject: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: Well?

1 minute later…

Sender: ChooBear
Recipients: FooBear, RooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, GlooBear
Subject: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: I’m wearin’ em!

30 second later…

Sender: RooBear
Recipients: ChooBear, FooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, GlooBear
Subject: RE: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: I put one over the doorknob. You know what that means…

2 minutes later…

Sender: BlooBear
Recipients: ChooBear, RooBear, GooBear, FooBear, GlooBear
Subject: RE: RE: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: I love socks. You could say I have a sock-shual feetish. However, that’s just my two innocence.

1 minute later…

Sender: RooBear
Recipients: ChooBear, FooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, GlooBear
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: You guys! I meant, I have a girlfriend now, and I am getting sweet action!

30 seconds later…

Sender: GlooBear
Recipients: ChooBear, RooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, FooBear
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?

1 minute later…

Sender: ChooBear
Recipients: FooBear, RooBear, GooBear, BlooBear, GlooBear
Subject: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: RE: Has anyone seen my socks?
Body: I think you just got your answer, FooBear. Gloobear is clearly guilty. BURN, SON!!!!!!!!!!

If you find my example tragic and telling, you should see my inbox.

Speaking of tragic and telling, there was this womanface at this comedy show last night who proceeded to make a face and a snide comment indicating how she felt after every single one of everybody’s jokes last night. I’ll give you a hint. Most of the comments and faces were negative.

I don’t even understand what this person would be like in real life. Oh wait, still annoying. Guess that answers that life mystery. (I’m such a jerk! HeeHoo!)

This Post Was Written With an Epi-Pen!!! THAT’S HOW EXCITED I WAS WHEN I WROTE IT!!!!!!!

So I got another haircut. It seems like I mostly get haircuts in life. Which is probably true. I consider getting your hair cut a hobby just like crafting. I went in for the last-minute Sunday appointment, which is always just a huge rush.

To make things more adrenaliney, my stylist was so excited the whole time; a fact that was probably compounded by the fact that she kept popping Jolly Ranchers. Don’t worry, she offered me some. But I prefer a line of Pixie Stix myself or a dab of hot brown water to the temples. Anyway, she wanted me to be her guinea pig because she had only done trims and blow-dries all day, and we all know how that goes! So she showed me this style she wanted to try on me, and honestly, I was scared. But I grimaced bravely and nodded assent. I was putting the fate of my follicles into this woman’s scissorhands!

She kept squealing the whole time, and she even took before-and-after pictures, she was so pumped. She finished with a big ole huggaroo. It ended up being a 2.5 hour haircut that she walked me through in stages (like a cooking show)!

And the most comforting part is, I love it (granted, it’s still in salon condition)!
(My stylist also made me blurry for free!)

Also I have a bug bite on the bottom of my foot. I don’t know how to handle these things. They are like the Sudoku of bugbites…a real head-scratcher of a foot-itcher.


I saw The Dark Knight finally. And I must say! There was this one scene where Random Mobster 42 made a really funny face when the Joker said something ridiculous. I mean, a really funny face. Like the kind you could send in to America’s Funniest Home Videos as an entry in itself. I’m surprised that the cameras did not pan in for a closer look. I wonder if later he brought up with a mobster friend what he found so gosh-darn weird about what the Clown Guy was saying, besides all of it.

Also did anyone else notice how the Joker kept telling everyone a different story about his scars? He must tell the worst stories at parties because it’s always slightly different but still like “LOOKIT ME!!! I WANT ATTENTION AND STUFF!!!” He’s definitely “that guy” at parties. Especially when he man-handled Rachel Dawes, and then got all up in her face even though he clearly needed a breath mint or something. I rolled my eyes and then they rolled me. It was that much exasperation. Men are such clowns, and clowns are such men. Am I right, LADIES?! *shrug*

Hair Today, Gone…Also Today

Cleverer-Than-Thou-IT-guy: So you cut off all your hair?

Me: Oh, uhum, yeah…(muttering incoherently) fer the summer.

Cleverer-Than-Thou-IT-guy: Did you lose a bet?

Me: Yeah. (defensively raising one eyebrow) With myself!

Cleverer-Than-Thou-IT-guy: (raising both eyebrows in wonderment) Ohohohohoha!

Shrrrrrrrrug. Who knows!?! I still feel somehow bested in the conversation. He controls all the servers and podcasts of the world. What do I expect!

I also started Defeating the 8 Demons of Distraction today!

Current mood: Foolishly overconfident.

Putting on Hairs

I got a haircut this morning.

Stylist: Do you mind if I do something a little different?

Me: What do you mean, “different”?

Stylist: Just with the layers.

Me: Oh, sure!

Stylist: Yeah, nothing too crazy.

Now just as he said ‘crazy,’ he does this magnificient scissor slice cut, and a bunch of freshly shorn hair lands thwack on the mirror as well as spilling out in three other but equally exciting directions.

The whole thing reminded me of that classic bow-and-arrow gag wherein the nonchalant archer says “hold steady” and then thwing! The arrow lands right next to the naive target’s neck, and then promptly splits down the middle (I’m talking old-school wooden arrows, son).

Gallery of New Hair Shape

psychotic doll

hair hat/bonnet!

(h)aerial view

i call this one ‘the queen’

The marriage of cute + sleepies, and not a moment too soon! Grateful giggles to Kerry for the tip-off.

Hair Today, Salon Tomorrow!

so i am in severe sleep deprivation mode. how tired? well my eyelids feel cuddly right now. my eyes want to spoon with my eyelids, but my boss is the chaperone at the awkward middle school work dance so ain’t no funny business allowed. but alas, how tired i yam! also a spider just crawled past my keyboard and i just said hello. he was busy though so he didn’t return the greeting. i felt hurt. i also attribute this to sleep dep.

this weekend was a lot of road comedy…driving past farms and seeing sunsets that looked like the sky was cracking down the middle, stuck in torrential downpours, chugging past towns with names like Doswell and Triangle…sometimes i felt like with each mile i got farther from home base, i lost people’s comprehension of another 5 cultural references in my material. luckily, i’m narrowminded and ignorant, and i was wrong.

apocalypse teaser:

oooh. also i got my hair cut on saturday morning and my hair stylist is the coolest guy on the planet. he’s a golfer and a hair stylist. i’m already 100% in favor of the combination. not that i golf, but i do mini-golf. other bonus points — 1) he knows how to do hair. 1) he remembered me. 1.5) granted, he only remembered me because i do stand up but still. 2) he taught me about hair splinters. apparently hair dressers can get splinters from hair. it’s an occupational hazard. they’re apparently really painful and hard to get out. man. i’m glad you can’t get mono from sharing the mouse on your computer. or herpes from working off a shared server. or dust splinters from the water cooler. OR CAN YOU!?!

oh also i went mini golfing after my haircut. it was pretty much the cat’s onesie, which is an infinite number of levels above the cat’s pajamas. i like how they put 2000 flushes in the water on mini golf courses. it adds to the ambiance.

the easy way to excel at mini golf/life:

here is the pretty unadventurous haircut (i always ask for layers — that’s my best attempt at ‘going wild’ at the salon).

i look scared here because i was so tired that when i looked in the mirror i forgot i had gotten a haircut and i freaked out that i had some unexplained hair loss:

but then i smiled again because i realized it was stylish hair loss. also, i have a lazy left eyelid. i know it. it’s because of my sleep tendencies…one eye is always ready to hit the hay. it’s the bedroom eye. preferable to the evil eye i’ve been told…

this was where i stopped and smelled the roses on the way back from lunch. call me romantic. or just call me. kthx.