Faux-shun Shoot: Run(a)way Ready

So you guys don’t get a lot of pictures of Boyfie, I’ll admit that straight up, Paula Abdul-style (shoulderpads included). But finally I managed to capture some paparazzle-dazzle snaps of him.


Boyfie as an Alien Encounter

Alleged Boyfie capture LAST NIGHT. I’m pretty sure this is him. Pulling a Joaquin, no less!

Alleged Boyfie captured as he was leaving a restaurant (i.e., the kitchen)! WWPS: What would Perez scribble?

Boyfie is not sure what his next move is: Ex-cape or exoneration?

There’s a He Wolf in my closet…teaching me some new dance moves. We ended in a dance-off as per the usual.

I’ve Got My Eye on You

I found a lone googly eye at a show on Wednesday night. Fate, clearly.

So I did the only thing a respectable person in my position could do.

I brought it to work yesterday morning and I tried it out on everything in sight throughout the course of the day.




Telephone (land line, y’all!)

Floor Lamp


Iced Coffee

Tape Dispenser

Somehow one googly eye is a googol times creepier than the sheer oddball cuteness of two, but you know what. It’s totally growing on me.

I could really get used to having cyclops friends all around my office. Unfortunately, they all have to share one eye.

But they’ll take turns. You’ll see. Everything’s going to be just fine*.

*And I don’t just mean that in a plebeian TGIF sort of way.

Local Fame Is More Eco-Friendly (But Less Ego-Friendly)

Don’t GO GREEN with envy, but I’m in the papes today. So are some other worthy comrades of mine, including geniusface Karin Hammerberg!

(Click it to zooooom, baby, zooooom)

Before you get all huffy, I look like a total communist.

Plus I said I want to start a “revolution of silence.” Tell me that doesn’t sound slightly ominous. In the web version, it clarifies that I meant people can’t talk for a day, but the print version was just like, nah, let’s make the lil’ naif sound as sociopathic as possible.

I’m going to have to call my people and have them clear this up before it goes interplanetary, but for now, feel free to make up rumors and blacklist me (I’m looking at you, McCarthy)!?!

Vanity Hair

I realize even if I have no words of value to add as of recent, I shouldn’t just announce I’m getting a haircut and then leave people wondering what it looks like.

So these pictures are more out of generosity than any sense of ego or pride. Don’t misconstrue my intentions.

Also, I already did notice that my face is long, my nose is big, my skin is brown, and I have a lazy eyelid, so all diligent anonymous and pseudonymous Internet commenters can take a day off from their endless labor. Camman, you guys deserve it! Preaching the truth and telling it like it is all the time can get wearing on even the most tireless work ethic.

Cheerio, pip pop!

The What About Bob?


As for the cut itself, it was conducted under mild to moderate duress. I showed up 20 minutes late for my appointment wild-eyed and bearing a web photo of Mandy Moore on the red carpet. My stylist still generously agreed to keep me on his list of duties. He had to juggle me with two other clients, and to top it all off, my shampoo girl accidentally hit the shower jet with her elbow, which sent a cascade of water flying across the entire salon, the ensuing puddle from which another stylist almost wiped out in. Despite all the ballyhoo, a job well shorn!

Spiritual Aging Process

What with the Benjamin Button movie out, everyone is focused on old-man baby likenesses right now, so I thought I should do my part and do some personal research.

And I didn’t go quite far enough but I did find some evidence of premature existential aging.

I was a brooder even back then!

Zoom in for the full pout of melancholicky discontent! Look at those quivery ‘brows!

Also in unrelated news, snowmen are perhaps hard to manufacture, but one would think they wouldn’t come out looking saggy, right? I saw these in a mall display the other day. Way to distort nature’s beauty, people, though they still are adorable.

Then again, who am I to judge? I kind-of-accidentally-but-pretty-much-on-purpose washed a dry-clean-only fancy gray sweater and now the sleeves are as long as my body!!! It’s terrifying but also secretly quite, quite awesome. I feel like an elephant shedding my skin when I wear it, which is to say, right now.