Play Linkin Park on Lincoln’s Birthday; Also Log Onto LinkedIn, Call Livelinks, and Click on Links; Mostly Celebrate!

Nothing like a whole lotta links to look at to pass the time!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Clairity

The Internet did a good job of finding me the right information today. Good job, web crawlers.

Coming in my top search prize finds (note: no actual prizes were distributed) were:

The Onion News Network, with its scathingly accurate commentary on skankery.


Comedian Eugenius Mirman. He just wrote a jokity self-help book! He’s the bee’s knees. He also is going to be on a new Adult Swim TV show with Jon Glaser called “Delocated” (premiering tonight actually) that looks hysterical, by any stretch of the muscle we call the imagination.


This website,, passed on by my friend and improv visionary Patrick.

Oh, here’s one non-Internet thing that did a good job today: the Spanish Christian radio station I found on the drive to work this morning. Those people really took the genre and ran with it. There was something for every musical taste (well, minus all other religions including atheism, but let’s not split theological hairs when we’re trying to have a persecution-free time…) including dancehall, folk power ballads, sunshiney pop, and good ol’ tells-it-to-ya-straight-but-with-some-mixed-messages gospel.

Here’s one non-Internet thing that did a bad job today: the eyelash I found in my prepackaged hummus. Hu-mmust be kidding me! I tried to wish on it, but it stuck to my finger so I just had to wish it into the trash. Overshare + TMI = Stuff I Always Need to Know.

And to be fair(ly legal), the well-hung jury’s still out on this one, but…
favorite exchange from improv practice yesterday—

Interviewer: What strengths can you offer this company besides your dick?
Interviewee: That’s it!
Interviewer: Good! You’re hired!

The Mawwww Who Texted Wosdfsdf Wolf

my mom & dad have started text messaging.

oh yes, and they have a whale of a time with it too!

ok, i’ll be honest. my dad sends coherent ones. once he sent me one wishing me well before a big comedy show, and he signed it off “love, dad” and everything. that’s called advanced placement texting.

but then again, my dad’s been stocking up on the online course credits lately. i think he’s up to five or six courses. he has multiple print-outs on navigating spreadsheets all over our computer station at home right now. and his typing speed is up to a blazing 30wpm…up from 12! (if you smirked, i will fight you)

on the other hand…my mom?

well. she only actually has one go-to text message in her stock reserve, and it’s only for the occasion of: utter low-grade panic (because let’s be honest, no one is using text messages in a state of real emergency [i.e., no one would message “brb, went 2 go find H2O and other survivorz”]).

here’s my mom’s emergency testing service text message (it starts, as all good form letters do, with personal nickname usage):

Aploo mom is woqprrggh worried

now, let’s be real for a second. i would actually appreciate receiving this notation during an apocalypse. a mother’s worry is like bonus frownie points for still not being courteous or responsible as a 25-year-old.

my favorite thing about this message is: all of it.

  • the randomness of the spacing.
  • the lack of any order whatsoever to the punctuation, capitalization and spelling. [let’s face it, proper english usage went out in 2005.]
  • the most adorable thing however is how she attempted the word “worried,” and utterly lost control of her fingers on the typepad because of her overriding sense of concern and fright, but then she somehow regained her cool to eventually get it out. [think mother lifting up car to save child effect.]
  • i know she has this message in her back-up files because once she sent it to me by accident, and then she tried to explain it away when i got home by saying it was a false alarm.

    but the damage was done. you can’t just write something like that, and not expect consequences! which she got in the form of a severe giggling and eyebrow waggling.

    someone is pretty pop.
    photo courtesy of Flickr and nate steiner


    oh, so remember my art orange?


    that is fine.

    you can still take great enjoyment in this midafternoon delight.

    also nadia told me chuck norris’s real name is carlos (wiki wiki whatttt?!). IF THAT AIN’T NEWS…(ominous trail-off)

    also courtesy of Google…but i think it applies to all of us: – Learn How To Understand Men – And Beat Them At their Own Game!