Craft Cheese Moments

So this past weekend, myself and fellow DC comic Eli Sairs were granted the amazing opportunity to open for Maria Bamford, one of my all-time favorites in the following categories: comedic inspirations, life role models, and human creativity beans.

Oh and by the way, I have met her briefly before, but after getting to spend a bit more time with her, I can reconfirm a bajillion-fold that she’s a dream come true in person. Case in point, she owns Barack Obama earrings, and was in fact wearing them for the Saturday night show. She wore her First Family pin on Friday night.

I wish I could go on and on about how awesome and incredible the whole weekend was, but gushing sap trees aren’t the best bloggers, so I merely present this photo as evidence that the events actually happened. It’s blurry and dubious, but it’s just cellphony in reality.

Suffice it to say I am inspired and content beyond belief. It’s like my brain got seriously bedazzled.

In random conclusion, my mother was on a cleaning frenzy today and recovered some of my art work. This is a family portrait entitled, “You Are What You Eat.” The members in the photo from left to right are my father (as a cup of tea), my mother (as a banana), my sister (as a noodle) and myself (as a mango). 
My absolute favorite thing about this drawing is that I made it a mere 7 years ago, putting me at college age. How appropriate. 

Utter and Hysterical Total Recall

(This little guy’s blurry face rather reminds me of myself on better days)

Hey so I was in NYC this past weekend! To be in another lady show! Technically, the last female humor frenzy was in DC, but this particular one (the Ambiguously Brown Comedy Hour) was part of the first Hysterical Festival, an all-women’s comedy extravaganza, and the whole weekend was lots of heartsnuggling and eyepuffing moments (commence eye-rolling for the worldweary readers among you).

Hey lookit. It’s my name on a billboard outside a club.
No, really! Look closer!
Thank you so much to all my friends who attended my show and who sat in the back in one long row like judges just about to hold up scorecards with smiley faces on them. All the women I performed with were amazing, and I was lucky to be a part of it.

In fact, I got to see so many oodles of female comedy noodles that I had never seen before who inspired and amazed me (hint hint—check ’em out if you’re in the NYC area!): Jess Wood, Joselyn Hughes, Lisa DeLarios, Adira Amram, Jamie Lee, Lynne Koplitz, Tastiskank, Sara Benincasa, Emily Epstein, Shayna Ferm, Katina Corrao, Retta, Desiree Burch (festival executive producer), and Maureen Langan, to name just a sample.

And then plenty who I look forward to watching time and time again: Jiwon Lee, mah dawgirl Diana Saez, mah local homie Erin Jackson, Becky Donohue, and the inimitable Maria Bamford (lovelovelovelovelovelovieloveloves her).

And then there’s just NYC in general, always a good time—doesn’t charge extra for the kooky memories!

Let’s break it on down, R. Kelly-style, shall we?

Where to start? I will break it down categorically, for archival purposes. (That really means nothing if you were wondering.)

Itty Bitty Celebrity Sightings:

  • Lewis Black (comedian) looking for produce at the Union Square Farmers Market
  • Recent female college grad who got makeover on the last season of Project Runway checking her laptop next to me in East Village coffee shop
  • Eugene Mirman (comedian) checking out billboard in front of Comix. By the time I went to investigate further, he had vanished into the mist.
  • Meeting the face behind the Comic’s Comic again! Whee!
  • Friend Sightings:

  • Eating Tick Tock pancakes with Joo and commenting on the injustices of society, including but not limited to leaky apartments!
  • Lunch with Dan and he got lipstick on his glass (actually it was on there before he actually took a sip). But still! How embarrassing for him.
  • Getting to spend the night in Helen’s fancy apartment (replete with upstairs neighbor bed-squeaking noises) and hear all her juicy news. She’ll be glad to know I got up much, much later than her disciplined self and walked around her pad nonchalantly, as if I owned the place!
  • Requisite vegan cupcake with Andy plus dogwatching. I mean, camman! I bow in the face of greatness.

    We also perused an economy candy store with M&M’s in every hue imaginable. That is Candy Caynes’ handy haynes.
  • Important convo with Nadia that got cut off because I had to change lines on the subway and she didn’t. Public transit! You’ve foiled us again!
  • Cheering Rashi, Dip, Norman, Mary Ann, and the rest of her team (Goldtoe Lightfoot) in the Terry Fox 5K for Cancer Research. Then following that athletic feat with a delicious, nap-inducing Cuban brunch. Saturday mornings never felt so wholesome!
  • Seeing Tony, Nick, and Jason performing comedy. It’s weird to see people you know from one place all in another place. But then again, I think it’s weird to see people in general.
  • Dinner with sistah! And loading off of requisite package from the parents. We also ran into Cap’n Squidface. Lucky us.
  • Other Events of Note:

  • Tim Burton’s church, which I passed on my busride into the city.
  • Seeing a man fully dressed up as Spiderman in Union Square just walking around. He wasn’t advertising anything. I want to say he was just testing out the costume before Halloween making sure it was getting a good reaction and all that jazzhands.
  • Buying lunch at a yuppie grocery store…wherein I also discovered these bad boys (frosting shooters)!

    Then wandering around Chelsea trying to find a utensil to eat said food, walking into a random deli, and seeing Rashi sitting there and eating lunch with her coworker. YAYAYAYAY. Not only did I get the spork I quested for, but we also observed a nearby model’s daily diet (Hint: It was all baby vegetables).
  • My well-intentioned multiple-mentioned friend Rashi actually gave me the wrong keys to get into her apartment. But having the wrong keys allowed for fateful encounters like standing wide-eyed outside her building and bumping into her roommate Norman and his friend who was also visiting from DC for the weekend.

    And lo and behold, somehow we figured out that his sister had seen me at a show in DC and told him about how much she enjoyed it. Commence back-patting and chorus of “It’s a Small World After All.” I told him I would add him to my imaginary mailing list immediately, if not sooner.

  • My Shiniest Memory:

  • Standing outside the club post-shows (they were both AMAZING), a bit after midnight, just hangin’ with Maria Bamford and some other assorted comics and folk. One of the club staff whose birthday it was comes outside with a big bouquet of balloons, and he’s all lookin’ glowy from the birthday fun (it became his birthday as of midnight).

    And he says, “What should I do with all these balloons?”

    And Bammy goes, without missing a beat, “Oh! We should hand them out to kiddies!”

    Then someone else comments, not unkindly, “It’s 1 A.M., Maria! There are no kids around.”

    And Bammy says, “Ohhhhh well,” a bit wistfully.

    Then Kevin release the balloons up, up, up into the sky so we could wish on them. And we all watched them float away. To NeverNever Land where kiddies abound. Bammy actually moved so she could watch the balloon voyage better. TOO ADORABLE. CANNOT COMPUTE.

    She even said she was sorry she hadn’t gotten a chance to see me perform. I cannot express how nice this woman is! Not in one blog entry! Not even close!

  • Big Apple…Ya outdone yaself again, kiddo. Chin chuck, and wink.

    The Emperor’s New Perm

    i don’t want to alarm anybody but this weekend, a dog rejected me.

    i was sitting at lunch – it was about three in the afternoon. i had already had brunch earlier that day so i was feeling pretty cocky about myself, in the bourgeois sense. i was sitting angled toward the street though i was already in good company, which is how peoplewatchers do.

    just then, a man walked by with a beautiful and regal fur emperor. the emperor appeared to have recently received hair treatment, of the crimping variety. such body and volume! i had to meet this dapper royal, dressed to the canines. upon close observation, i decided he was of fine breeding and agreeable temperament. i leaned over with my hankie as he came by to get a few seconds of his attention.

    the emperor gave me a long look with his reflecting pool-peepers. and then sort of wrinkled his nose and shied away.

    o heavens!

    the inhumanity!

    the insanity!

    the appointment with disappointment!

    to his credit, the emperor’s bearer tried to change the intent of his highness by saying “go on then! say hello!” as he must have felt acutely sorry for me in my giant, whimsical sunglasses stuck like a jester’s cap, jauntily upon my head.

    so then the emperor came toward me again for a second investigation. my heart leaped! but one discerning look later, and again i was dismissed like a random afterthought.

    vanity does not suit you, fluffy!
    photo courtesy of Flickr and Lamerie

    i had had enough! i turned my chair back to my table, and tried to jump back into the conversation seamlessly. but alas, it’s one thing to be ignored by a fellow human, but if it’s one of the friendly fur species, then all bets are off as to Team Self-Esteem winning that day’s tourney.

    however! later that night i got to watch and meet one of my comedic idols!!!

    she is a beyond-amazing performer, and also assuredly, one of the world’s nicest people. her warmth washed away the earlier pain.

    i am still drinking mental coffee at starstruck’s as a result.

    me basking in the glow of THE BAM!


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