The Jackson One Continues Dominating; Plus Random Table Scraps

I tip my hats of congrats (all of them) to my comedic friend, Erin Jackson, who was on The Ellen Degeneres Show this past Monday (aired on Tuesday). I am so, so, so proud of her, and lucky to call her someone I know, whoa whoa.

Here is a detailed recap of her trip out to LA, city of dream angels!

And here is a clip of her talking with de generous Ellen (name puns can strike at any time).

Ack. It’s weird how even when you see someone you know on TV, it’s still hard to believe they’re actually on your TV. I imagine it’s even more surreal for the person in question. All the better when it happens though.

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In less exciting news, I love that when you have a really bad headcold, you can still sense the presence of a horrible fart in the room. Why is that exactly? Do I have a sixth sense but only about mundane events?

Also office BINGO returns on Monday. Time to get scrappy, and play to win.

I just got four distinct emails from Al Gore in a row! Turns out he just wants my signature and my money. I thought our friendship ran deeper than that, ole pal. Sigh pie.

Here’s a mini photo-essay called Complimentary Hotel Room.

1. COMPLIMENTARY HOTEL ROOM, WHERE ARE YOU!? YOU ARE SO CLOSE I CAN SMELL YOUR CIGARETTE SMOKE-FLAVORED GLADE PLUG-IN & YOUR FREE FACE ‘N’ FOOT SCRUB FROM HERE!!!

2. OH HERE WE ARE! TIME TO UNPACK MY COLLEGE WALL POSTERS & FENG SHUI THIS DOMICILE INTO ONE SWEET BUT AFFORDABLE ONE-NIGHT CRIB.
(fin)

Also cabs in Long Island either show up early and then leave without you, or show up really late and don’t apologize and charge you 20+ smacks to drive you down the street and over the hill. I’m just saying. It’s what happened to me. BE CAREFUL OUT THERE!!!

In conclusion, FTW, here’s the best Halloween partner costume ever. Suggestive much?
Let me guess. They’re just being quirky. But plug & socket! Don’t even point out where his plug sits because, oh, believe you me, I noticed. Also look at her vampish eyes seducing the camera. And may I add CAMMMANNNNNN.

Friday Night Sights

wow i feel like i just got thrown out of the spin cycle. my hair still hasn’t caught up with my face.

wowever, i saw a fellow victim of morning trauma while waiting in line for coffee. his fine blonde hair went in every which way; his eyes were still squinty from half-wakedness; he came up to about my kneecap; he was clutching an earnest gee-raffe and he was, by all appearances, with his mother. i wanted to snap a pic of him but i felt like a creep. so you’ll have to just believe me that he exists. why mothers insist on taking their children out so early in the morning is beyond me, but i do thank them for it as it is nice to feel twinges of solidarity in one’s humanity before one enters the cubicle for the day (run-on sentence, you are my brother).

&&&

on friday eventide, my friend luci and i went to a barseketball game. the washington wizards (they comcast spells on your tv!) v. the lithuanian zalgiris kaunas (they have passports!).

it was pretty much an event for the ages as luci had procured free box seats from a work raffle. now as a person who watches sports with rarity and attends live sporting events with a stunning degree of hardly-everness, i still hear quite loudly the siren call of the elusive box seat.

we got there fashionably late, mid-second-quarter, and we sauntered in like we owned the place (read: weren’t sure how to get to our seats. rather gasped in awe when we realized we were literally right next to the players. could’ve reached out and touched them had we had had a couple of ten-foot poles. which many people do carry with them hence the expression.)


literally right there and grainy!!!

some highlights of the game included:

*all the people meeting and greeting each other around us. most of them looked rich/important/overbooked. they all had pearly white smiles and were wearing suits. some of them had media passes. many of the ladies had diamonds spilling out of their décolletages.

*the wizards’ hype guy who ran around the court every 15-or-so minutes in a skin-tight blue body suit padded with fake muscles wearing sunglasses and launching t-shirts everywhere with his fun gun. if he was auditioning for the part of one of the 4 horsemen of the apocalpyse, i’d pick him.

*the jumbotron capturing all sorts of excited people getting their 3-5 seconds of fame. i’m glad it didn’t get luci and i as we were half in a bit of a stuporous coma induced by chips with the kind of nacho cheese squeezed out of a tube. one man almost sat on a kid’s face in his eagerness to get face time on the sacred screen.

*one wizards team official who looked a bit like a dinosaur. especially when pacing with narrowed eyes on the side of the court. oh, it’s their head coach.

*large andre-the-giant-looking guy who came and sat right in front of us during the game. he looked famous. oh, thank you, wikipedia. it was my old friend, gheorghe mureşan. 7 foot 7. superb.


here he is, over on the left, easy to miss, i know
photo courtesy of Wikipedia

*the cheerleader dancing girls (more like cheerfollowers…pshhh). first of all, one of their costumes looked like they were wearing diapers. second of all, they didn’t do much. maybe because it’s still preseason. but standing waaaaaay off to the side doing a meager pompom formation is just not the american way. they all seemed like nice girl-next-door types though — definitely friend requestable. one of them had seemingly developed a sassy head tic to stand out from her less boisterous peers.


diaper costumes
photo courtesy of Flickr and Versatile Aure

*in contrast to the wizard cheerfollowers, the lithuanian team’s fan contingent was awesome. they all wore the team colors. they booed and baahed and ooohed and aaaahed with full symphonic gusto throughout the entire game. they set up camp in the back left corner of the court from where we were sitting. even though the zalgiri kaunas trailed for most of the game by a respectable 10-15 points, their fans easily won the cheering/heckling part of the night.

*the sad half-time basketball shooting challenge where this highschool-looking kid with earnest eyes in full wizards gear (with his dad probably videotaping) couldn’t make the 3 point shot and it looked like all his dreams died right then and there as they led him off the court.

*the seat checker lady who tried to have me and luci thrown out, but not just us…also some season ticket holders, a journalist, a few debutantes, the wizards’ mascot, probably gheorghe and also a couple players on the lithuanian team. what i’m trying to say is she was damn strict about who could sit where. that’s the most mileage i’ve ever seen someone get out of a power trip.

*one of the best parts of the night, second to the many t-shirt tosses, was the dance off. chiefly because of this man. yes he’s wearing a mask that is a basketball.

*studying the players who didn’t play for the whole game. they, in turn, studied us, the creatures who live in the box seats. it seemed like everyone on the lithuanian team got to play though including some fans (JK JK, camman…those guys ruled).

*watching slow-motion replays of fouls and honking in outrage/disbelief. the shorter guys really get some sweet elbow-to-face action.

*cooing in delight at any and all successful 3-pointers. each one is like some blaine meets copperfield trick of sorcery to me.

*post-game inspection of the assorted chewing gum tray for the players. there were so many choices! i was really impressed. these are the kinds of things that inspire me at sporting events.

thanks for that, luci.