To Dream, Perchance to Caffeinate

Blurgh. I thought three weeks without coffee would allow me to pooh-pooh my addiction right in the face, but it seems these days I just reminisce nostalgically about my former BFF (yes, as in holding hands with giant takeaway cup frolicking through a field), and about how much more alert I would be if I could just have one teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy sip. The very idea of it is like a sweet melody gently massaging my ears.

I mean, I’m all for naps (for example, I voted yes on Prop ZZzzZz), but a 24-hour zombie dreamstate is a bit much, even for me.

Coffee cups make for great moments of reflection.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Gunjan Karun

On a more life-sustaining note, every day this week has been a reason to celebrate some occasion in the office, whether it be a farewell party or a holiday potluck or a gift basket arriving fortuitously and perkily, and today, a birthday!

It really doesn’t get old. I can’t imagine this getting old. I just can’t. I know there was that Seinfeld episode where Elaine got sick of office cake, but I often yearn for superficial conversation and forced camaraderie right in the middle of the day, and it happens just like clockwork.


I was most recently advised to joke around with the negative voices in my head, i.e., the ones who disparage everything I do.

I’m going to try it out on paper first. I named my voice Negativitina. Yeah, don’t worry, she thought it was dumb too.

Negativitina: You are doing a horrible job. Everybody hates you. Please give up immediately.
Me: Oh, Tina! You put the T in tease! I swear, it’s just all sunshine and candy rain with you. Hee heee hooo hohooooo!

I’m thinking that I might have to come up with better burns. At this point, I’m trying to tame a phoenix with a squeaky toy. I should go read some YouTube comments. That will pwn the n00b right out of me.


In conclusion, Gchat conversations that are NEVER OK look a little something like this:

Oh but there’s more…

Just What the Witch Doctor Ordered…

last night, i woke up in a dark place, physically and mentally.

it’s a disorienting feeling when your eyes open…the ceiling is 2 feet in front of your face. and you’re a backstabbing adulterer.

then i realized how i got there.

1) i was in my car.
2) i woke up in the middle of an indiestyle (heavy on the emo) no-friend-of-mine adulterous dream (details spared).

we’re nappin’!

photo courtesy of Flickr and basykes

a nip nap

photo courtesy of Flickr and billsaturno

nippy to the nappy

photo courtesy of Flickr and scragz

izza nip nap skibbely dee

photo courtesy of Flickr and foxypar4

anyone can nap it up

photo courtesy of Flickr and Aaron_M

includin’ you an’ me!

photo courtesy of Flickr and wili_hybrid

so nap it

photo courtesy of Flickr and Timothy Lloyd

jus’ nap it

photo courtesy of Flickr and samoyedfriend

turn my mic up

photo courtesy of Flickr and DEMOSH

drop a zzzzz

photo courtesy of Flickr and banna123456

i was so sleepy yesterday that i barely rolled into my driveway before stepping full throttle on the seatback recliner and going from 0 to 60 rem with rapid ninja precision, babystyle.

as my lurid subsconscious worked its voodoo freudian ballyhoo and hours passed, the sun set, my stomach protested and the car raised an eyebrow at my latest stationary exploits.

coming to felt like the end of a narcoleptic bender, lasting for days, weeks even. i barely knew who i was, let alone where, why, or how. rip van winkle, i feel your pain, man.

finally, i stumbled into the house zombieish, murmuring “i jus woke up? i jus woke up?”, bleary-eyed, unable to walk a straight line…to the utter concern-quickly-transforming-into-giddy-delight of my father figure.


(the only thing holding up this still shot is magic.)

today’s 9-to-5-friendly tip: don’t start small-talk conversations with coworkers that you don’t know how to finish (short of trailing off and abruptly walking away). yes, it happened. no, i don’t want to talk about it.