Party Logic

Hey! We just had an banana split ice cream party at work!

I think I figured out a way to balance out the ice cream.

Before you start writing complaint letters, I was gifted these nanners by an important work official (title redacted to protect the kindness of others’ hearts). Sometimes jaw surgery gets you things. So step off!

P.S. To be fair, when I tried to serve myself some caramel syrup, it burped into my hair so something good was bound to happen after that sugar ambush.

Navigating the Choppy 9-to-5 Seas

So I get to work today still in my long weekend mourning period and what do I see but the chair spawn on my desk next to my keyboard, yes, the very same keyboard WHERE I DO SOME OF MY FINEST WORK/WEB EXPLORING.

The cleaning peeps must’ve thought I dropped it and was too lazy to pick it up for about 2.5 weeks (so they finally did it for me out of pity/concern).

GAWWWWRRRR. Don’t they know and recognize that it’s a piece of office offal! A rolling, spinning device’s droppings! A piece of furniture’s half-twin/afterbirth?!


Since it does, more or less, look like an ergonomic wrist guard for the keyboard, I gueeeesssss I’ll use it.

I mean, the emotional damage has already been done. In addition, it feels quite nice under my bony hand-arm joints.

Maybe I will reinvent my work space as a safe haven for office supply mutants. I’ll organize coffee breaks, luncheons, the whole shebang…for just me and my bent-out-of-shape paperclips, jammed staplers, dried out white-out, three-legged desks, disconnected phones, non-functional mouse pads, half-operational plus charred headphones, inkless pens, and abandoned plastic folder containers.

All the Hot Minutiae As It Happens!

I just got a blank email from someone who goes by the moniker Darnell Muffins. It might be spam, but in the name of everything and anything magical, I hope it’s real.

Today was also the day my new office supplies came in! By which I just mean my very own set of “awesome pens” that I so humbly requested. Look at the colors and clicking technology! My purpose in life never made quite so much sense as it does now.

What I mean to say is I finally have something to talk about at the *NEW* water cooler (we switched to a new water dealer—but I’ll save that for another post). In fact, you won’t get me to shut up about them (especially at the upcoming pizza lunch). Look at me. I can’t stop bragging!

Also, I bumped into an old friend yesterday. He’s full of rage these days. I would recommend anger management classes, but I don’t want him to bite my head off.

SO SILLY. I need a time-out and a piece of humble pie.

If You Can’t Stand the Heat, Go Outside Because It’s Freezing

Yesterday, the firm alarm went off at work after mostly everyone had left (hence all the people that were still there were trying to finish last-minute, time-sensitive, very important stuff).

There is no word that can convey the sense of agony I felt upon hearing that piercing screech.

There is a gesture combined with a noise though (covering my ears and gently whimpering, if you must know).

Waiting outside while fire truck after fire truck pulled up to investigate a bad light fixture was just short of tragical. But the parade of burly calendar models charging in with axes and masks pushed it over the top straight into dinner party anecdote territory.

But again, work bonding and camaraderie occurred like a charm bracelet between us poor drones who were fatefully caught in Limbo—mainly due to the easy consensus on two simple frozen-water-cooler topics: “Wait’ll everyone hears about tomorrow!” and “It’s so bleeping cold.”

That’s the stuff that’ll kick down the toughest firewall between acquaintances and upgrade your systems right quick to Forced Friendship 2.0!