Mother, May I Phone a Friend?

My mom, this morning: What’s a nice word for hag?

I wasn’t even close to awake yet, but my neurons processed and then clung to that question as if it were a lifeboat sailing toward the new day.

She later clarified she was working on a birthday card for a friend. EVEN BESTER.

Reverse Therapy

Sitting comfy-cozy cross-legged sharing secretz with mah sistah/grrlfriend/BFF-style on the couch in the living room, I had just gotten off the phone with a bosom buddy of mine when my priceless mother walked over and asked completely innocently, “Remember when you used to complain to me about not having any friends?”

Aw gee. And I was doing so well trying to forget.

Tune in next week for another heartwarming to the point of blood-boiling episode of “Living With Parents!”

Feelin’ (op)pressed.
photo courtesy of Flickr and boboroshi

Do Nut Tell Me What I Can and Cannut Eat

Yesterday I was so sleep-deprived that I needed a slumber bailout, funded with some serious shuteye buckzzzzz.

But good news—it worked!

Also, since my mom’s been out of town, my dad’s really been stepping up his parenting game.

For example, yesternight around 10 p.m., he woke me up from my “nap” of sorts to forcefeed a delightful Mediterranean sandwich plus half a triple-chocolate-chip cookie and milk down my gullet because he didn’t want me to skip dinner. He even allowed me to eat it sitting upright in my bed. So thoughtful, pops!

Milk and cookie, a hungry bird’s eye view
photo courtesy of Flickr and idovermani

The house has been a haven for sweets since the glucose monitor is a few oceans away. We’re all generally in better moods but also prone to bouncing off walls.

In related news, I heard on NPR this morning that this one guy tried to regulate the donuts off of the menu at this senior center, and all the denizens got so mad!

They were all, “Pshhhhhh, we’re not eating carrot sticks and stuff! Harrumph garrumph.”

But really, they have a fair argument. I mean each of them is well past his or her prime. By the time you’re a golden oldie, I think you earned all your donuts fair and square (or more accurately, sound and round).

This glazed dessert ninja’s got all the right moves.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Flirty Kitty

P.S. I am in no way condoning Paula Deen’s Krispy Kreme Bread Pudding though. I still have a conscience, for the love of Pete’s sake!