Have That Piñata On My Desk By 5 PM Sharp!

Zommgggg, you guys.

(Tangential note: Sometimes I’m unclear on whether I’m more excited to experience things because I get to blog about them, or whether I blog about things to process the experience better.

Which inevitably reminds me of this super-dupes quote I read yesterday from a strategy+business interview with computer and communications industry “court jester” Esther Dyson, “The reality is, people don’t go online to give attention, but to get it. They don’t want to be part of the audience. They want to perform and to be heard, to be present.”

*pensive moment that gets cut short by a sneeze*

Regardless, I am the annoying fool trying to get a cellphone picture of the seven-layer dip being served in delicate shooter glasses because its need to be photographed outweighs my hesitance in capturing it.)

Last night, as the culmination of a work conference, there was a closing celebration at the National Air & Space Museum.

Yeah, the whole museum was rented out for the entire evening. *giddy-shriek-into-a-sober-faint*

So, somehow, at some point, when I must have been possessed by the ghost of a tube top or something, I contemplated not going to this optional event. Then I realized it could be my very own version of Night at the Museum, or more like Night at the Booze-um, am I right?! Smithsonian party with an open bar! *snork snork* Just kidding. I’m classier than all that. You just might not realize it at first.

So I went. All set for recap takeoff?!

Planes: Check.

More Planes: Check.

Rockets: Check.

And 3…2…1…BLAST OFF!!!

(So basically, the levels of fun were enough to launch a rocket into outer space and fuel it all the way back.)

Here were the top THREE highlights:

1. The food and beverages. This, as always, was one of my main preoccupations (Whatever! It was for cave people too. Leave me in drooling peace.)

Here’s a taste of what was offered: Cherry tomato and mozzarella caprese served individually in slender tiny shooter glasses! Sliders! Cheese & cracker assortment! Beet salad with goat cheese! West Indian butternut squash curry with saffron rice! Mushroom tart “a la mode” with creme fraiche (saddest part(y) of night: One guy dropped his on the floor)! Three-cheese truffle mac & cheese in these dainty mini-mugs (which I saw one man attempting to “drink”)!

Caeser salad served in little thimbles just like in an interplanetary fairytale!

It was a zoo at first just trying to get my food. I think one custom people from all over the world share is any of us would happily elbow someone in the face to get to the last veggie pot sticker.

Drinks were a choice of juices, sodas, wines, waters, or beers! (The drinks are always popular. I had one, but I forgot it outside the flight simulators, which don’t allow open containers, I wonder why. More about that in a second.)

And then, at the least opportune moment (i.e., in the company of people of good breeding), I discovered the dessert table. It was near the moon rock the entire time! Mini-raspberry-chocolate-tarts, mini-lemon-tarts, mini-chocolate-mousse-parfait, and the mini-cupcakes! Oh the universality of it all!

Helicopter-shaped cookies! They had a whole assortment in fact (rockets and fighter jets too. And they were actually delicious. No fondant-cardboard taste…)! And pure milk chocolate airplane lollipops!

I tried to salvage one of each, and ended up causing irreparable damage to my fleet by the time they reached their final destination. My fighter jet lost a cockpit. My jumbo jet lost the tip of a wing (aileron included). My rocket lost a fin. And my helicopter lost its entire main rotor.

2. Riding on a flight simulator with my co-worker. She was a fighter jet pilot. I was the gunner. I think by the end of the simulation, neither of us felt like we had any control, even though the simulation was nice enough to tell us we had gotten “2 hits,” whatever that meant.

We went upside down a lot, and I couldn’t keep it together at all with our legs dangling above our heads.

Plus, we both had to pee really bad before we got on the ride and the safety belt applied generous pressure directly to our bladders’ sweet spots the entire time.

Though I do have to say, riding in a fighter jet with a colleague, or rather, fake-riding in a fake-fighter jet with a colleague, makes for a very real bonding experience. It was the equivalent of 10,000 trust falls.

3. People cutting all sorts of rugs in front of the live music stage, which was set up in front of the Lunar Landing Module. How, dare I say, out of this world?!

Early on…

When the lights got low…

I don’t know what it is, but take a cover band and an open dance floor, and even the most orthodox 9-to-5 types will loosen up their ties, fluff up their shoulder pads, and start bringin’ back moves from before rhythmic movement was invented.

Seeing co-workers dance is a gift with no return policy. That’s all I’ll say about that.

But seeing office workers who are strangers dance is a gift that needs to be visually documented. Unfortunately, most of them were shimmyin’ faster than shutter speed.

At one point, I became part of some sort of dance inner circle of departmental colleagues, and was forcibly dragged into the middle in order to “show ’em what I got” (as is a savage custom in many otherwise civilized human cultures).

Luckily, my survival skills kicked in, and I just made a beeline straight for the other side of the circle. Then, when I was unceremoniously denied entrance back into the circumference, I ricocheted back toward from whence I originally came, staying true to my socially awkward pinball roots. Also, I used some of this after-school special tip: Never let ’em see you cry!

Here is a general photo of some people dancing, just to give you an idea (but turn the figurative heat up about five notches in your head):

photo courtesy of Flickr and phunkstarr

Anyway, the night in all was a pretty sweet time if you’re into boldly partying where no man or woman has partied before, or whatever.

(Disclaimer: It’s an expression. I realize people have partied both at the Smithsonian and in outer space before, but thanks for being sticklers.)

BaltiMORE, Please!

Charm City…I think I finally get why Baltimore is called that. Because quirky and offbeat and imaginative and creative is totally what I find charming. That’s what I was lucky enough to witness and take part in last Thursday night at Zodiac Comedy Night hosted by Andy Abelow (AKA SHOWBIZ!).

Behold “The City That Reads” at night!
photo courtesy of Flickr and ktylerconk

I managed to get myself there despite some navigational difficulties (got lost twice, note it!) and it was pouring rain, which is a great combo with giant potholes, let me tell you. But making it there was well worth the trip! For my next trick, I will tell you why.

First of all, the show takes place in a shuttered restaurant that is now an art space for everything from plays and lecture series to music events and comedy variety nights (Full schedule heah!).

The decor is kitschy in the best way with wizards ominously pointing and holding crystal balls; lamps encrusted with zodiac symbols; the requisite creepy clown; and a fully stocked bar. Plus they share food service with the bar next door, and such delicacies as vegan crab cakes were offered. In many ways, it struck me as a sister venue to D.C.’s very own Palace of Wonders.

This wizard is a good, but not great, approximation of the one in the restaurant.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Memekiller

As I sat there waiting and chowing down on a scrumptious burrito, they played a variety of old-school TV tunes over the sound system including, among others, the themes from Star Trek: The Next Generation, Saved by the Bell, Doogie Howser, and The Munsters. I felt as though I was in TV Land, and someone was about to read my palm.

The show itself was one of the most inventive things things I’ve seen in some time. First of all, there were lots of artsy-looking people there who meandered in and sat about chatting and generally looking quite interesting. So audience! Yay! Whee! They were quite attentive too. Though some people chatted in the back, most had their listening caps on and appreciative goggles turned up to medium-high blast.

Showbiz was a magnificent host with old-school one-liner charm. He would tag joke bits by saying “Showbiz!” and he was dressed the part of a showboat entertainer. He also had an offstage guest voice called Bonus Michael who occasionally bantered with him. It was crazy fun.

The first act up was actually a movie-making group called Sike Trike whose representative Chris Freeland presented three hilarious video shorts.

As per the group’s own description, they don’t do any pre-production or post-production; all of their movies are shot in-camera-edit only, which lends to their real-time quality.

The first movie was about a bachelorette party starring a male dancer group called “The Dudez.” The second one was a movie about time travel and movie-making called “The Future Movie.” The last ones was about opening a hostel for hobos. I was eliciting stares with my cackling, but I didn’t really care.

Up next was comic Brian Nicholson. He was thoughtful and deliberate, which I found pretty refreshing. I am ever more enthusiastic about stream-of-consciousness comedy the more I watch it. His set reminded me a bit of Janeane Garofalo, and I dug it.

Following that was a duo called Lunchtime Phone Sex. The group was composed of a guy and a girl telling candid stories about past sexual experiences. The girl’s delivery was perfect, and the guy and she had great onstage banter. I would highly recommend this act, but I could find no online presence for them whatsoever, which makes them altogether more intriguing.

Then comic Will Carey went up. He told some genius thoughts and then some longer bits with nice dramatic act outs. His delivery was also quite the charmer.

Intermission! This in itself was a revelation to me. A free show with an intermission?! But what if everyone leaves?! Ummm, guess what? The majority of people stayed! A couple people left because it was nearing midnight, but most people bought drinks. I don’t know how it happened except that I witnessed it.

Next up was Sherrywood Forest (AKA Kevin Sherry). He presented a vast collection of self-made puppets including a bear-head character who told jokes involving bear puns; a one-eyed monster who spouted random facts and threw paper shrapnel; and some fun stories involving rats and God and everything else you could imagine in an enjoyable fever dream.

Who doesn’t love a puppet?! This is just a random zombie sock puppet I found on the Internet.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Erin!

I discovered Sherry is also the co-designer of his own amazing line of apparel! I went ahead and bought a shirt because I am trying to be a responsible consumer.

Then while the Sherrywood set was deconstructing and the last act was setting up, Showbiz played the guitar and sang about getting punched in the face. Heeho; I didn’t even care that it was midnight!

Actually, during this time, the light also fell over and went out. So there was darkness for some time, but the show went on!

Then I went up in quasi-pitch-blackness and started my set, fittingly past midnight. I had quite some fun despite being somewhat out of it and not entirely uncertain which jokes would work and which wouldn’t. I tried doing my more absurd material, and luckily, the audience was on board. Hooray!

In fact, the lights even came back on during a very appropriate point in one of my jokes. I couldn’t ask for more fateful timing. The audience was super giving and nice to me, an out-of-towner! I couldn’t have asked for more.

The last act of the night was called, A Whale Walked Into a Bar (AKA Kit Macci and her friend whose name I don’t know). Their act consisted of one girl playing a musical saw, and the other one dressed in a whale costume making a whole menagerie of whale-like sounds using a variety of bottles and a conch shell. Their set simulated a conversation between a whale and a bartender, or so I interpreted, perhaps wrongly.

A whale of a tail!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Strange Ones

And that was the show! An entirely joyful way to spend a Thursday night, I can assure you. I even got to meet the booker for the Zodiac, a friendly chap named Adam.

I wish D.C. had the equivalent of something equally funky, and we come close, but we’re not quite there yet (feel free to correct me politely on this!).

So, not to sound like a broken record (which isn’t actually broken at all, but rather a syncopated new hit single of dance pop that relies on repetitive beats) but you guys, underground arts scene in Baltimore? As the kids and city officials now say, Get in on it!

(P.S. My favorite line from the unbelievably amazing article linked above is, “‘Get in on what?’ asked Baltimore City Councilwoman Rochelle “Rikki” Spector, after repeating [the new slogan] aloud three times.”

A close second would be this quote: “Some will like it, and for others it will be an acquired taste,” [Former Mayor Kurt L. Schmoke] said. “It’s an appeal to a young, hip generation, or something like that, I’m assuming.”

And for a respectable third place: “‘I’ve seen some dumb ones in the past, but this is the dumbest,’ said former Mayor/former Gov./Comptroller William Donald Schaefer through his spokesman.”)

LA Dee Dah (pronounced Ell-Ay-Dee-Dah)

First off, here is the last NBC blog. I know, I was as tired of reminding you to read it every month as you were of not reading it! (KEEDING, but of course. *exaggerated bow*)

So I’ve been gone for awhile because…all of last week, I was in LA having my butt alternately patted and handed to me, doing comedy in and around the fine city.

If this epic-length (seriously, don’t read all of it, thanks. It’s A LOT OF NAME DROPPINGS. I’m warning you…) entry reeks a bit of sour grapes, it’s because my mother gave me some for lunch recently. Literally. She affectionately gave me a napkin full of washed rotten grapes a few mornings ago as I was leaving for work.

There’s nothing that says, “I’ve missed you. It’s nice to have you back” like fermented fruit globes. I’m not sure what the underlying message was, but I’m pretty sure it might have been, “Do whine over spoiled grapes because they already smell like wine (minus the refined aging process *titter*).” Oh, and yes, I tried drinking them but they spat tartness at me.

Also FYI, I took zero pictures when I was in LA though I had my digital camera on me at all times (and no, not my cellphone camera! A real, live digital camera with a nylon tail). That’s called good preparation, poor execution. That could sum up half my life. The other half would be poor preparation, mediocre execution. Can you tell I’m on an ego roll today? Anyway, on with the recap.

What a sprawling city! Seriously, look at all that sprawl.
photo courtesy of Flickr and kla4067


Comic boyfie and I land in the City of Dark Angels after a relatively long but slumber-filled plane ride in which he sat (one row behind me) next to someone smelly and I sat next to this girl who wouldn’t let boyfie change places with her because she had to have the aisle seat. Then she spent most of the flight looking at photos of her boyfriend on her cellphone. I wanted to say, “MUST BE NICE HAVING HIS FACE VIRTUALLY SO CLOSE TO YOURS!!!” But I try to keep up appearances of good breeding, so I instead seethed and hissed under my breath.

After we got in our rental car, we attempted to utilize the skillz of the GPS device my dad packed for us, but it kept calculating us as still being in Virginia. Problemo. Then we realized the little antenna wasn’t up, and we were dumb. After that, smooth sailing! But for a few minutes, it was madness and sheer, sexy tourist terror (think Hostel but less blood).

GPS, you are a route-calculating fiend!
photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Anyway, so after some settling in at the hotel and whatnot, we went to a vegan Thai lunch! *twirl* We got fake meat in our curries, which made the stomachs give little contented sighs (not farts) and high-five each other. The waitress was this button-cute old lady who I mention because she plays a role later in the story.

That night we went to see a Groundlings show called Voyage to the Bottom of the Sunday, which was excellent. How excellent? Well, well-written, well-performed, well-crafted, and well-executed. How do you like them Snapples? Some of my favorite sketches included a parody of The Hills, these bagel bite sample servers at a Costco/Sam’s Club, these two awkward girl twins (Masha & Dasha), and this spontaneous tipsy dancing guy. Between every four or five sketches, two players would do an improv set. All the players were young, hip, hilarious, and fun. Then we went to IO West to try and catch a late-night lottery open mike but it was canceled so we sat in on an improv hodgepodge show for a bit instead. Then, to bed!

LA Factoid #1: It’s not always that warm in LA. The entire week we were there it was actually in the low 60s (Fahrenheit and balanced). That’s jacket weather! And not just fashion jacketpractical body sack-et!


Monday started out nice and slow. We woke up respectably early enough to use our complimentary breakfast voucher, and, in what would become a pattern for the rest of the trip, we ate our morning meal exactly as Live with Regis & Kelly was ending and The View was starting. They had these little baby omelettes, which I hoarded, as well as an interesting assortment of cereals which I enjoyed mixing past recognition.

Then later, we met up with my good comedian/actress friend Hari for some delicious Mexican food and catch-ups, and then that night, after a superb Italian meal complete with a cheeky waiter, boyfie had his first comedy moment in LA at this bar called Cuba Libre for a show called What’s Up, Tiger Lily? A bunch of people came into the venue shortly before showtime specifically for the show. Regular comedy fans? Shocking!

The audience was kind enough and so were the comics, and boyfie received plenty of huzzahs and hurrahs all around despite having to go up first right after the MC, a personably witty gent named Ed Salazar. Yay boyfie! Most of the comics had ties to areas outside LA, and some had ties to VA and DC, so they threw some knowing winks in our direction. T.J. Miller was also on the show and lots of other funny folk such as Melinda Hill, Ron Babcock, Matt Peters, and Duncan Trussell. We would also learn there were hardcore comedy fans who we would see at repeat shows throughout the week. What’s a comedy scene without scenesters?

LA Factoid #2: Rather than wasting time waiting behind cars in LA traffic, motorcyle riders shimmy right up next to them and weaving around and through both the dawdling and speedy autos all willy-nilly. I guess they like to live dangerously though, to be fair, they all wear helmets. Phew!


Tuesday started out proper enough. After our morning with The View divas and trying out the hotel gym, we took off for Santa Monica to have lunch with my friend Adam, who works at a production company. He took us to this vegan/organic food restaurant where everything was healthier and wealthier than thou. I had to go to a meeting after that, but boyfie and I got stuck in such horrible traffic (a chaotic staple of LA society) that I had to reschedule the meeting and beat my chest in anguish.

Here is a view of the beach in Santa Monica, which we did not see, but it was geographically near us when we had lunch with Adam, so there.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Spoon Monkey

Later that night, after disturbingly good sushi (I keep namedropping meals so you get a sense of the variety of cuisine we sampled. This is for no reason except to be annoying), boyfie had to go do a show at the LA Improv while I went to go watch the Comedy Death Ray show at UCB theater. Hari got me in as a guest and I even got to meet the show organizers (B.J. and Scott), which was nothing short of fabulous.

The show was exquisite and was hosted by R.O. Manse (an ’80s British music pop icon character played by Chip Pope), Kyle Kinane (who I have never seen before but he’s AMAZING), Paul Rust as this observational comic named Matthew von Rieberg who has a mental breakdown (completely BRILLO), Bob Odenkirk, Janeane Garofalo, and Matt Besser as this Russian character comic.

Boyfie and I were then on the show directly following CDR, which is called See You Next Tuesday. I just found out the show officially ended this week, so we were on the second to last one ever! It was somewhat intimidating as Aziz Ansari was on the line-up, as well as other nuggets of goodness like Melinda Hill and Andrew Donnelly (who did some marvelous crowdwork with an audience crazy). Boyfie did great, but the crowd was just not that into me, plus I think I had a bit of a mental chokefest. It was somewhat traumatizing to do bad at a place that is iconic in front of hardcore comedy fans, but it was also somewhat liberating (just not at the time). I was a bit cold-souled after that, and boyfie had to give me some shoulder rubs so I could feel my sense of humor again. But there were lots of people who said nice things to me after the show including Eddie Pepitone!! *eye twinkle*

LA Factoid #3: It’s not always sunny in LA. One day we got sprinkles and other days, there was definite cloudage.


We visited the bookshop where my friend Hari worked today. It was the cutest little bookstore you could ever imagine. We also slept through breakfast. I am already out of order. I went to my rescheduled meeting, and it was all fancy, official, and professional.

After getting stuck in traffic for two hours and getting lost, I discovered a park behind Hari’s bookstore with a fountain and a scenic bridge and everything. I made boyfie walk in it with me.

I found photo documentation of the park!
photo courtesy of Wikipedia

Then boyfie and I went to Pasadena for an evening show at the Ice House as part of a taping for this company called Comedy Time. First, we had Indian food though. All the other comics on the line up were pros who had been doing it a lot longer than we had such as Larry Omaha. I was so super nervous for the show as my Tuesday show had been significantly short of smooth and comfortable. But first, we had to tell some short jokes in front of the camera before the audience got there, and that kind of loosened us up a little. Then the actual show wasn’t bad at all! The audience was super nice, all the comics were civil, and even though most of them were killing and thrilling, boyfie and I both did just fine!

LA Factoid #4: There is occasionally a drug bust in LA; we witnessed the beginning of one.


On the day before Friday, we met up with my friend Cissy, who I know from improv back in DC, for a Thai lunch (it’s never a bad Thai-me). She is the funnest and the funniest. Also she is a professional nanny so she takes care of a baby all day, so the baby came to lunch with us! The baby wore tiny glasses and laughed more than any other baby I’ve ever met, and that’s a fact. She even laughed at jokes that weren’t funny. What a charmer!

That night, Hari and her friend Susan (collectively known as The Country Club) were putting on a stand up show at the bookstore where she works, and boyfie and I were both on it. The show was fan-flipping-tasty-tic. It was one of the best shows I did in LA. The line up was intimate and fun, including Jonah Ray, Dave Ciaccio, Emily Maya Mills (I just discovered her! She’s a genius!), Hugh Moore, boyfie, and I, plus a sketch occurring in between bits by Hari, Susan, Randy Liedtke, and Davey Johnson (two hysterical doodes). This show was a great time, and the audience was wonderful, and wine and cheese was served, and all was just lovely.

Afterward, Hari, B.J. (who watched the whole show!), boyfie, and I, plus Hari’s director friend Ben went over to her place to play Taboo, which is a highly underrated game. Boyfie and I lost soundly to Hari and B.J. I was bringing down the team. Also Taco Bell leaves something to be desired when there is no Fire Sauce involved.

LA Factoid #5: There are lots of independent businesses in LA, many of which are donut shops. I still haven’t tried an LA donut. Woe is me. I do recommend the thrift stores. Delicious threads!

Here’s what I was missing out on…nom nom nom!
photo courtesy of Flickr and jslander


Friday, already Friday, you scalloped potatoes! Boyfie and I woke up early because we were going to shoot an episode of a web series that Hari and Susan do together called Send More Money starring celebutantes Katia Goldblum and Rachella Scorsese, shot and edited by Benjamin Martin, and also sometimes, Dave Ciaccio. View past episodes here. So we shot an episode as special guest stars, and the wonderful Emily Maya Mills (from the bookstore show!) stopped by as well. It was the most fun ever had, possibly ever. Then I had a taped meeting where I was supposed to just have fun, but I’m not sure if that happened or not. Vague instructions!

Later that night, boyfie and I went to a booked open mic that we thought started earlier than it actually did so we didn’t get to actually go up (this is an example of poor preparation, poor execution actually), but then we went to a fun monthly show called Hub Bub at the Knitting Factory in downtown Hollywood. It is a show that is put on by the People’s Republic of Komedy, which is a contingent of comedians originally started in Seattle, with branches now in Seattle, NY, and LA. It was cool because Cissy and her roommate Julia (also from improv in DC) came out to watch, as did my old college bud Fred who brought his buddies (some of them also from college).

The show was amazing, and Randy and this other guy, Tony Sam, hosted. They also did time in between people’s sets, and lots of zany jokesters were on including Andy Peters, Erik Charles Nielsen, Pete Holmes, boyfie, and I. John Sanders was also one the of the show organizers, but he didn’t go up that night due to work conflicts. He’s great though. Boyfie did a lot better than me at this show too! He is good at getting those crowds. The crowd was somewhat noisy for me, but they were still nice enough. I should learn to yell more. Or swell. One or the other seems to get attention. If I could puff out my cheeks real big, that would get ’em, p-haps.

“So happy to be here, folks! No, really! Ignore my face.”
photo courtesy of Hub Bub and Heather Landis

LA Factoid #6: There are many ethic subareas in LA including, among others, Thai Town, Koreatown, and Little Armenia.


Almost last day in LA! How time fries! Today was spent being a bit mopey about the Hub Bub show with boyfie trying to make my self-esteem do pull-ups and push-ups mostly. But we did go back to vegan Thai dinner with old lady princess-muffin! I told you she’d reappear in this story. Not a lot of payoff, huh? I get that a lot!

Then at night, I had to go host the Improv, and guess who was on the line-up?! Iliza Shlesinger, winner of the most recent Last Comic Standing! Whoa whoa. She was quite nice in person. Her routine was also very polished and smooth. Other funny folk on the bill were Mo Mandel, Matt Fulchiron, and the headliner, Elon Gold. They were all kind enough as was the Improv manager. Too bad I bombed seriously as the MC. Blank stares on the house. Leave your career at the door. Tip your hat and go! It was scarily bad. I think the earlier parts of the week were just a teaser for the #1 bad show of the week! Whooooo! (And the crowd goes wild…ly silent).

Then I went to go pick boyfie up at this show called Comedy Meltdown he was watching at this comic book store. It was still going in full force when I showed up eating a bowl of sad pudding. The host Blaine Capatch was a swell guy who I met the last time I was in LA, and he remembered me! Tout sweet! And some of the kids I caught onstage were real dream machines: Matt Braunger, Chris Hardwick (of the duo Hard ‘N Phirm), Jonah Ray, and Natasha Leggero (who is teacup-sized). I sadly missed one of my favorites, Jen Kirkman, who boyfie caught earlier in the night.

Then we went off to my last show of LA, The Tomorrow Show, which is a midnight variety show (with a focus on comedy) at the Steve Allen Theater, and I also did it the last time I was in LA (February). The comedy was non-stop in this town, plus a lot of people from the comic book store also showed up at this show!

This show was a real fun time. The theater was packed out. It was my favorite show after the bookstore. I was smitten with pretty much every act. Ron Lynch, the show organizer who I had met before, and Laura Kightlinger hosted, laidback and comfy. The acts were amazing. First, a band called J.P. Cregan (faboo), then Charlyne Yi (and Michael Cera, her bf, was there to see her, eek!), then Ron Babcock (fooonny), then me (who had fun finally!), Kate Micucci (an adorable songbird and pianist), Ed Hoffman (did this crazy amazing comedy character act), Jay London (LOVEEEEEEEE), Randy L. and Davey J. did a sketch, Melinda Hill (three times in one week, I’m not worthy!), and T.J. Miller capped it out! It was great fun and a perfect way to end the week. Afterward, Davey’s car was having coolant problems so boyfie and I drove him, Randy, and Susan to the gas station to get coolant, riffing along the way. Fun buns. Then we bade farewellz.

LA Factoid #7: There is so much traffic in LA, at so many different times of the day and in so many areas, that it deserves its own fact.

I told you there was traffic, but you wouldn’t listen!
photo courtesy of Flickr and respres


Today boyfie and I went home to DC after saying goodbye to Hari and eating bad fast-foo’s Mex in the LAX airport! I checked out, checked in, took off my shoes, put them back on, slept, drooled, did a crossword, and watched part of Wall-E without sound, not necessarily in that order, but probably so. The end.

LA Factoid #8: There are people in LA who will not talk to you if you do not look famous or cool enough. There are also plenty of nice people.

Cell Phone Cameras Continue to Document Thin Shreds of Reality

This weekend was pretty crunked out, and no, I do not use that term loosey-goosely. It was extremely cranked up, pumped to the max, as far as weekends go, whoa whoa.

First, Halloween occurred but I had to double-time it with the dress rehearsal for the Saturday Bolly dance-stravaganza. However, costumes still happened, natch.

I was the Internet phenomenon, Spaghetti Cat! Well, technically, I was the cat and boyfie was the spaghetti (I cooked real noodles!). Low-maintenance is our mantra. Photo shoot ensued.

Original Spaghetti Cat:

First take, Spaghetti Cat:

Second take, Spaghetti Cat:

Third take, Spaghetti Cat Contemplates Noodles/Life:

Paparazzi Shot #1, Spaghetti Bat(?):

Paparazzi Shot #2, Spaghetti Cat—Up Claws and Purrrr-sonal:

Paparazzi Shot #3, Boyfie Bewitches While Maintaining Privacy:

Paparazzi Shot #4, Boyfie Is Mysterious Stranger:

Then, all of Saturday, dance show happened! It was insane, off the chain, in the membrane! Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see it! I currently only have one photo documenting a final dazzle pose, but use your imagination and/or patience to fill in the rest.

Then I detoxed on Sunday by watching The Omen, a scary movie, in which, well, for lack of a better way to put it, shit goes down. I am unclear exactly how much watching this movie actually realigned my chakras, if at all.

In retrospect, I am pretty mad that Julia Stiles got on the tippy-top of a stool to hydrate roses when she was clearly going to fall several feet after her demon child ran into her with his Razor-esque kick scooter (totally not meant for indoor purposes, btdubs, even if you are the Antichrist). She did go to Columbia after all! She’s no dummy.

If you have a nanny, especially a creepy Mia Farrow nanny, you can also afford a no-nonsense maid, a la Mr. Belvedere or Geoffrey from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He can water those pesky flowers and prevent inconvenient hospital bills! Yeah, I’m sorry too that I’m trying to transpose logic over a movie about the son of a jackal and his reign of kinder-terror.

In conclusion, yesterday, while perusing a book vending institution, I found the following: Sock Monkey in a Box!!! You’re welcome.

Utter and Hysterical Total Recall

(This little guy’s blurry face rather reminds me of myself on better days)

Hey so I was in NYC this past weekend! To be in another lady show! Technically, the last female humor frenzy was in DC, but this particular one (the Ambiguously Brown Comedy Hour) was part of the first Hysterical Festival, an all-women’s comedy extravaganza, and the whole weekend was lots of heartsnuggling and eyepuffing moments (commence eye-rolling for the worldweary readers among you).

Hey lookit. It’s my name on a billboard outside a club.
No, really! Look closer!
Thank you so much to all my friends who attended my show and who sat in the back in one long row like judges just about to hold up scorecards with smiley faces on them. All the women I performed with were amazing, and I was lucky to be a part of it.

In fact, I got to see so many oodles of female comedy noodles that I had never seen before who inspired and amazed me (hint hint—check ’em out if you’re in the NYC area!): Jess Wood, Joselyn Hughes, Lisa DeLarios, Adira Amram, Jamie Lee, Lynne Koplitz, Tastiskank, Sara Benincasa, Emily Epstein, Shayna Ferm, Katina Corrao, Retta, Desiree Burch (festival executive producer), and Maureen Langan, to name just a sample.

And then plenty who I look forward to watching time and time again: Jiwon Lee, mah dawgirl Diana Saez, mah local homie Erin Jackson, Becky Donohue, and the inimitable Maria Bamford (lovelovelovelovelovelovieloveloves her).

And then there’s just NYC in general, always a good time—doesn’t charge extra for the kooky memories!

Let’s break it on down, R. Kelly-style, shall we?

Where to start? I will break it down categorically, for archival purposes. (That really means nothing if you were wondering.)

Itty Bitty Celebrity Sightings:

  • Lewis Black (comedian) looking for produce at the Union Square Farmers Market
  • Recent female college grad who got makeover on the last season of Project Runway checking her laptop next to me in East Village coffee shop
  • Eugene Mirman (comedian) checking out billboard in front of Comix. By the time I went to investigate further, he had vanished into the mist.
  • Meeting the face behind the Comic’s Comic again! Whee!
  • Friend Sightings:

  • Eating Tick Tock pancakes with Joo and commenting on the injustices of society, including but not limited to leaky apartments!
  • Lunch with Dan and he got lipstick on his glass (actually it was on there before he actually took a sip). But still! How embarrassing for him.
  • Getting to spend the night in Helen’s fancy apartment (replete with upstairs neighbor bed-squeaking noises) and hear all her juicy news. She’ll be glad to know I got up much, much later than her disciplined self and walked around her pad nonchalantly, as if I owned the place!
  • Requisite vegan cupcake with Andy plus dogwatching. I mean, camman! I bow in the face of greatness.

    We also perused an economy candy store with M&M’s in every hue imaginable. That is Candy Caynes’ handy haynes.
  • Important convo with Nadia that got cut off because I had to change lines on the subway and she didn’t. Public transit! You’ve foiled us again!
  • Cheering Rashi, Dip, Norman, Mary Ann, and the rest of her team (Goldtoe Lightfoot) in the Terry Fox 5K for Cancer Research. Then following that athletic feat with a delicious, nap-inducing Cuban brunch. Saturday mornings never felt so wholesome!
  • Seeing Tony, Nick, and Jason performing comedy. It’s weird to see people you know from one place all in another place. But then again, I think it’s weird to see people in general.
  • Dinner with sistah! And loading off of requisite package from the parents. We also ran into Cap’n Squidface. Lucky us.
  • Other Events of Note:

  • Tim Burton’s church, which I passed on my busride into the city.
  • Seeing a man fully dressed up as Spiderman in Union Square just walking around. He wasn’t advertising anything. I want to say he was just testing out the costume before Halloween making sure it was getting a good reaction and all that jazzhands.
  • Buying lunch at a yuppie grocery store…wherein I also discovered these bad boys (frosting shooters)!

    Then wandering around Chelsea trying to find a utensil to eat said food, walking into a random deli, and seeing Rashi sitting there and eating lunch with her coworker. YAYAYAYAY. Not only did I get the spork I quested for, but we also observed a nearby model’s daily diet (Hint: It was all baby vegetables).
  • My well-intentioned multiple-mentioned friend Rashi actually gave me the wrong keys to get into her apartment. But having the wrong keys allowed for fateful encounters like standing wide-eyed outside her building and bumping into her roommate Norman and his friend who was also visiting from DC for the weekend.

    And lo and behold, somehow we figured out that his sister had seen me at a show in DC and told him about how much she enjoyed it. Commence back-patting and chorus of “It’s a Small World After All.” I told him I would add him to my imaginary mailing list immediately, if not sooner.

  • My Shiniest Memory:

  • Standing outside the club post-shows (they were both AMAZING), a bit after midnight, just hangin’ with Maria Bamford and some other assorted comics and folk. One of the club staff whose birthday it was comes outside with a big bouquet of balloons, and he’s all lookin’ glowy from the birthday fun (it became his birthday as of midnight).

    And he says, “What should I do with all these balloons?”

    And Bammy goes, without missing a beat, “Oh! We should hand them out to kiddies!”

    Then someone else comments, not unkindly, “It’s 1 A.M., Maria! There are no kids around.”

    And Bammy says, “Ohhhhh well,” a bit wistfully.

    Then Kevin release the balloons up, up, up into the sky so we could wish on them. And we all watched them float away. To NeverNever Land where kiddies abound. Bammy actually moved so she could watch the balloon voyage better. TOO ADORABLE. CANNOT COMPUTE.

    She even said she was sorry she hadn’t gotten a chance to see me perform. I cannot express how nice this woman is! Not in one blog entry! Not even close!

  • Big Apple…Ya outdone yaself again, kiddo. Chin chuck, and wink.