To Dream, Perchance to Caffeinate

Blurgh. I thought three weeks without coffee would allow me to pooh-pooh my addiction right in the face, but it seems these days I just reminisce nostalgically about my former BFF (yes, as in holding hands with giant takeaway cup frolicking through a field), and about how much more alert I would be if I could just have one teeny-tiny, itsy-bitsy sip. The very idea of it is like a sweet melody gently massaging my ears.

I mean, I’m all for naps (for example, I voted yes on Prop ZZzzZz), but a 24-hour zombie dreamstate is a bit much, even for me.

Coffee cups make for great moments of reflection.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Gunjan Karun

On a more life-sustaining note, every day this week has been a reason to celebrate some occasion in the office, whether it be a farewell party or a holiday potluck or a gift basket arriving fortuitously and perkily, and today, a birthday!

It really doesn’t get old. I can’t imagine this getting old. I just can’t. I know there was that Seinfeld episode where Elaine got sick of office cake, but I often yearn for superficial conversation and forced camaraderie right in the middle of the day, and it happens just like clockwork.

***

I was most recently advised to joke around with the negative voices in my head, i.e., the ones who disparage everything I do.

I’m going to try it out on paper first. I named my voice Negativitina. Yeah, don’t worry, she thought it was dumb too.

Negativitina: You are doing a horrible job. Everybody hates you. Please give up immediately.
Me: Oh, Tina! You put the T in tease! I swear, it’s just all sunshine and candy rain with you. Hee heee hooo hohooooo!

I’m thinking that I might have to come up with better burns. At this point, I’m trying to tame a phoenix with a squeaky toy. I should go read some YouTube comments. That will pwn the n00b right out of me.

***

In conclusion, Gchat conversations that are NEVER OK look a little something like this:

Oh but there’s more…

PTED (Post-Traumatic Election Disorder)

Oh Onion, hugs all over your face!

http://www.theonion.com/content/themes/common/assets/videoplayer2/flvplayer.swf

Obama Win Causes Obsessive Supporters To Realize How Empty Their Lives Are

[via Hillz]

Also I got to interview a VIP today! A famous intellectual actually…and then he asked me about myself and my bigger goals and I mentioned comedy, and he was like, “oh, this is for your day job then!” And then we both giggled (mine was louder and more annoying). Even though he was feeling “under the weather”!

Then at the end, he wished me well with my humor future, and said he’d “look out for me.” Right! As if world-renowned brainiacs have their channel changers primed to Comedy Central. Academic swoonage. Knowledge eyelash flutters.