Innocence on the Line Plus Shamelessness Too

This morning, I saw the best thing in the world!

It was a tiny train of tots being shepherded by their watchers and preservers by holding onto a rope. You can’t see the rope, but oh, it’s there!

I’m sure I’ve talked about this before because there must be a daycare center or something near my work, but it’s too cute to compute. Every time I see them, my heart needs a Zack Morris “Time Out” from real life for a few.

And today, the odds were stacked against me further because as the kiddies were approaching an intersection, ANOTHER train of hope-on-a-rope emerged from around the corner. Like two beacons of glowing youth passing in the daylight!

I had to stop myself from snapping cellphone pictures a little too liberally because I realized how inappropriate I looked. Do you pedo-feel me? TOO FAR. ‘Parna out.

No but actually, at one point, Group 2 experienced some kind of kid-tastrophe wherein 3 of the lil’ buggers decided to sit down at the same time, which caused another one to roll over and yet another one to let go of the rope in a frenetic panic state. Needless to say, the train had to make an emergency stop for apple juice and repairs.

Warning: Blatant Bragging Ahead!

I am the featured comedian on Rooftop Comedy’s Asian Comedy page this week (up until Monday, March 2, I do believe)! Yay! Thanks in advance for watching!

Here is the clip below:

And one more for good measure:

Pride Goeth Before a Fall, So Coming Soon (Spoiler Alert!): *SPLAT*

O hai!

My lurvely friend Diana tipped me off as to a wee shout-out I got in this esteemed comedic magazine blog from the North Carolina Comedy Arts Festival, which I did stand up for this past weekend. Somehow, I had the most fun onstage I’ve had in awhile.

(Last paragraph only for the impatient multitaskmasters)

Fine. Here’s the goods for those of you who hate links:

“Four comics especially stood out to me: They are Aparna Nancherla, Joe Zimmerman, Maria Ciampa and Jeff Havens. Each one of these comics had a very strong presence, a unique point of view and excellent writing skills. In short, I wouldn’t be surprised to see these four, in the next few years, ascend to the surface of the underground.”

Also, North Carolina! Have you been? The hotel I stayed in was SPORTS-themed. Imagine it, only brighter! The room was in the Basketball section (there were four in totes: basketball, football, soccer, and fourth forgotten one). The adjoining restaurant was called Time Out Sports Bar, and all the employees had to wear referee uniforms. *Phweeep* Whatta fun time!

And I get to go backsies for improv this coming weekend.

It’s all so convenient because one of my New Year’s Resolutions was to make as many 5-hour drives as I could within the span of two weeks.

Starry-eyed, ovah heah!

Random Feel-good Photo of the Day:
A good technique to settle a troublesome restaurant bill = a zany pen!

PFT, U, & ME

Hi fellow friends and friendly fellows,

I just wanted to let you all know that I somehow ate enough Lucky Charms collectively over my life that I am straight up pooping good fortune, at this point.

On that scatological note (though there’s nothing logical about it beep bappa doo bap), I will be featuring for Paul F. Tompkins this weekend, Friday and Saturday nights at the Montgomery Drafthouse (just opened in Silver Spring, Murryland!) and Arlington Drafthouse, respectively…9:45pm BOTH NIGHTS.

I feel like a teddy bear possessing a not-so-subtle birthmark…fated!

Tickets and info…

HERE for Friday and HERE for Saturday.

This man is a genius, and I would highly recommend that you come out and see him, and then if you happen to see me while you’re already there, you can wave HI!!! And I will wave hi back. If I don’t see you the first time, wave harder! It works. Trust me.

Seriously, I’m pretty excited so I thought I should tell you guys about it. Also, here is some multimedia.

Paul F. Tompkins clips:

You guys are cool.

Malcolm XOXO,

P.S. For other blogs, new NBC one is oop & at ’em!

Opposites Attract My Interest

This weekend I went to a restaurant and used my first set of fat silverware.

I still can’t believe this fork was real except that I was there. The spoons and knives were similarly proportioned, of course.

The food incidentally was delicious.

This weekend I also bought my first pair of skinny jeans.

I look nowhere as cool as these kids.
photo courtesy of Flickr and Kirsten Hartsoch

Also it’s interesting when you Google skinny jeans, you get a lot of photo close-ups of toes.

Here is another contrast. Have you ever accidentally opened two media links on the Internet at the same time so that they play simultaneously?

I just heard Sarah Palin chattering and being cutesy over the very real, very hype song track Pizza Butt.

1. 23/6‘s Palin:

2. MC Chris’s Pizza Butt:

I don’t know what there is to say about the experience except that I wouldn’t mind repeating it.

Wouldn’t mind in the least!


I am participating in a show next Thursday (October 16th) in NYC as part of the Hysterical Festival, which is a celebration of women in comedy (my friend Diana Saez, a co-mastermind behind the Sarah Palin vlogs, is one of the festival organizers).

There is a fantastic line up of shows including one of my all-time favorite comics, Maria Bamford, headlining, but if you are free for the Ambiguously Brown Comedy Hour, which is the show that I am on…you should come by because that would be fantabulous!

Or if you can’t come, tell your friends! I promise all of you will be rolling in your chairs. Even if you’re not sitting on chairs. That’s how amazing it will be. But you will be in chairs so don’t get all worried.

Here is a ticket link!! (Buy in advance, it’s cheaper and more mature…)

Date: Thursday, Oct 16th, 2008
Time: 7:30pm
Where: Comix
353 W 14th Street (just east of 9th Ave)

Eat Local, Buy Local, Stalk Locals?

Oh goodness! My picture was in the newsprint today! The paper-azzi finally got me!

Woot hoot. Up there in the lefthand corner! But not just me. My improv group Jinx is to the right of me, and then my comrade Jay Hastings is the full-body shot, and comrade Seaton Smith is the taped-up bloke.

(Infitudinal thanks due to The Hillz.)

Big weekend with the DC Comedy Fest! Come see a show if you want!

Details here.

Tickets available here.

I’ll be giving out hugs and autocrats after the shows. Yes, autocrats; as in people I find qualified to tyrannically rule imaginary nations/city-states/fiefdoms. I’ve been collecting them for an indeterminate amount of time. I have plenty to spare. Plus they all have good manners despite their hunger for limitless power.


In less promotional news, I saw this woman stroller-jogging this morning. But she was no mere mommy. Every bit of her was rippling with discipline and firmness. Her 12-pack was even yelling drill sergeant smacktalk at her to push her faster, higher, stronger. She was beyond jacked, and furthermore, she wasn’t afraid to show it, with her matching sportswear tiny top/spandex hotpants action!

My main goal was I wanted to see what her offspring looked like, and witness the child’s reaction to having such a powerhouse of a matriarch. What next happened is a miracle.

I suddenly realized the stroller was occupied by a baby doll! A mere plaything! A plastic toy!

I thought Wonder Woman was trying to prove something intense before, even if just to herself, but this changed the game entirely.

Ok, so I’m not exactly 100 percent certain on the last part. But how much greater is it my way (rhetorical, that’s how much)!

To be fair, the child was flopping around like a felt puppet because of this woman’s megastride, and it could’ve been anyone’s mistake.

Similar to this, but instead picture just one woman taking on the world!
photo courtesy of Flickr and Dawn – Pink Chick