Headphoning It In (This Post, I Mean)

Sorry to bring the mood down on the blogosphere (on a Friday, no less), but I just truly contemplated the state of my office headphones (before you get alarmed, I brought them from home; there’s no way my company would make me use such shoddy contraptions), and it’s not looking good.

Bear witness to this bull:

First of all, one ear doesn’t even work. This is because the wires got snapped on the left side, and instead of discarding them, I just tied those skinny electric snakes around the earpiece, like some kind of a cockamamie absent-minded inventor would do. But I always listen with one ear off anyway so I don’t miss anything important at work (AKA fire drills).

That’s funny, that looks like an exposed wire. Oh, but it is.

Every time I put them on, I feel a tiny shock, and I just kind of laugh to myself a little on the outside, but curse myself a lottle on the inside. Will today be the day of the impending incident?!

I am afraid one of these days I will sizzle my brain to a crisp while just trying to Pandora or NPR it up, or alternately, catch a whiff of audio from a delightful Internet video.

This office life! I tell ya! Full of surprises from 9 to 5. At least today is payday—now that’s what I’m talking ’bout.

Check out some of this fraying too. Gross. Just gross. Nobody needs to see that. But everyone just did.

Bad News Berries

In the midst of a sour incident and two droppings of bad news out of the blue(s) directly in my hair (so hard to get out!), I have found myself seeking escapism and solace through increasing the level of snark in my writing.

No, you’re totally right, I don’t think this is a very productive way of dealing with things, and I’m not talking about snarkin’ it up here, or you would have noticed by now, by golly. I mean, in other places. Yes, as in the graffiti on the bathroom wall, exactly.

Whereas before I might have tagged “Twirly whirly spangle jangle” right across the mirror, now it’s all “Wut the fuzz” and “Gimme a brick. No, seriously, GIMME ONE” right on the turl-et seat! Suggestive and rude.

I dare say I’m sympathizing with those renegades who stalk the internet discussion threads. No! Never!

But maybe?

Meanwhile, thoughts of brunch abide. Also, the aftertaste of a banana is like you just chewed a stick of anti-gum.

Also, the apocalpyse! This article FTW. I love the expression “going rogue.” It sounds so slick.

As a first sign, my computer is demonstrating pre-strokelike symptoms. Words aren’t coming out right; pictures aren’t showing up; and a blue screen is just a moment away.