Cell Phone Cameras Continue to Document Thin Shreds of Reality

This weekend was pretty crunked out, and no, I do not use that term loosey-goosely. It was extremely cranked up, pumped to the max, as far as weekends go, whoa whoa.

First, Halloween occurred but I had to double-time it with the dress rehearsal for the Saturday Bolly dance-stravaganza. However, costumes still happened, natch.

I was the Internet phenomenon, Spaghetti Cat! Well, technically, I was the cat and boyfie was the spaghetti (I cooked real noodles!). Low-maintenance is our mantra. Photo shoot ensued.

Original Spaghetti Cat:

First take, Spaghetti Cat:

Second take, Spaghetti Cat:

Third take, Spaghetti Cat Contemplates Noodles/Life:

Paparazzi Shot #1, Spaghetti Bat(?):

Paparazzi Shot #2, Spaghetti Cat—Up Claws and Purrrr-sonal:

Paparazzi Shot #3, Boyfie Bewitches While Maintaining Privacy:

Paparazzi Shot #4, Boyfie Is Mysterious Stranger:

Then, all of Saturday, dance show happened! It was insane, off the chain, in the membrane! Thank you so much to everyone who came out to see it! I currently only have one photo documenting a final dazzle pose, but use your imagination and/or patience to fill in the rest.

Then I detoxed on Sunday by watching The Omen, a scary movie, in which, well, for lack of a better way to put it, shit goes down. I am unclear exactly how much watching this movie actually realigned my chakras, if at all.

In retrospect, I am pretty mad that Julia Stiles got on the tippy-top of a stool to hydrate roses when she was clearly going to fall several feet after her demon child ran into her with his Razor-esque kick scooter (totally not meant for indoor purposes, btdubs, even if you are the Antichrist). She did go to Columbia after all! She’s no dummy.

If you have a nanny, especially a creepy Mia Farrow nanny, you can also afford a no-nonsense maid, a la Mr. Belvedere or Geoffrey from Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. He can water those pesky flowers and prevent inconvenient hospital bills! Yeah, I’m sorry too that I’m trying to transpose logic over a movie about the son of a jackal and his reign of kinder-terror.

In conclusion, yesterday, while perusing a book vending institution, I found the following: Sock Monkey in a Box!!! You’re welcome.

Person A: How Was Your Weekend?Person Me: Really? Ok…

what a weekend + monday! i know recaps were never cool, but let me just adjust my time machine settings here whilst i ignore the popular sentiment…

the past weekend was a sandwich composed of dance bread with a slice of comedic cheese. condiments included jazzhands, one-liners, babies-en-route-to-the-real-world, and too much information.

first, i “helped” provide support (dance equivalent of backup vocals) at a bhangra workshop late friday night. precious memories include: sweat. bollywood-inspired flashdance sequences. over-the-top character work involving overenthusiastic workshop participant plus overenthusiastic workshop helper. stock characters! they write themselves!

cut to saturday. i saw an absolute smashing, simply outstanding piece of absurdist (my favorite flavor) theatre called all wear bowlers.

critics (not including me) have called it “new vaudeville,” “beckett meets laurel and hardy meets magritte”…and have mentioned the “elegant pratfalls and deft sleight of hand”…

a more dapper pair was never seen (of bowlers!)
photo courtesy of Flickr and Laineys Repertoire

i called it really, really gooooooooooo (like lipsmacking goo)! so that was live theatre saturday afternoon appetizer. the leimotif of eggs and eggheads especially made for a no-contest love-at-first-viewing.

cut to sitting at a table too close to a man “reading,” and sizing up people and dogs with nadia while eating (yes) coffee doused in chocolate drizzle and tiny marshmallow shavings. we saw precisely one dustmop dog that made my heart tickle my pancreas, which promptly giggled.

cut to attending baby shower with some dance cohorts and sizing up people while nibbling strawberry cheesecake tartlets, jane austen-style. there were a lot of well-dressed, financially successful couples there. dear diary, i wonder what that would be like!

a literal baby shower!
photo courtesy of Flickr and shelley_ginger

most appropriately, cut to nighttime improv performance showtime whoowhoo! i got to perform once with my regular group, and then once with my tournament team, which soon was no longer my tournament team (short-burst-applause voting methods chafe my gentle desire TO BLOODY WIN). my team lost our round of the tournament, but we went down with pompoms (i.e., we had le fun “bring it on” style). also, here’s a fortune cookie reject i often turn to in times of not winning: “losing is just like winning minus the winning part.” we got some great post-show reviews however, which counts for something if you enjoy ego preservation as much as i do.

cut to SNL. christopher walken. i don’t think i am qualified to comment on these clips as much as just share them. no explanation necessary.

mix two parts christopher walken with one tablespoon googly eyes.


this lady (played by kristen wiig) can’t handle surprises! *shriek*

sunday morning, a lovely brunch was enjoyed in a french restaurant next to a circuit city. i commented, “this is like paris if paris were in a strip mall!” cafeteria-style quiche doesn’t diminish the value of free bread and complimentary pats of blackberry jam. in fact, nothing diminishes the value of free(dom).

like this but with cafeteria trays and napkin dispensers
photo courtesy of Flickr and colinedwards99

in finality, sunday was spent observing tots bollydance all over the place and making sure their parents paid their recital costume fees. show business ain’t easy. but it leaves me with an inexplicable feeling – one part dehydration, one part dizziness, and one part sleep-deprivation. also i enjoy the way children use their arms. there’s a lot of swinging. but they also use them as levers and pulleys for social interaction.

yeah they’re silhouettes, yeah they are
photo courtesy of Flickr and Clearly Ambiguous

watched some improv on dvd (i know. taped spontaneity―mind-blowing or 90% of the content on YouTube? you decide.) while ingesting frozen dairy treats.

the weekend ended with me picking up and starting five books after 1:30 in the morning while standing up, and then forcibly throwing myself into bed, guerrilla-style.


oh, p.s.s.s. (say it like a whisper) monday night, i had so much coffee before comedy that i literally was about to burst into tears before i got onstage because my body threw a coup on my brain, and then anarchist neurons threw a double coup making my brain a puppet ruler in an already shaky state. i literally almost ran out of the bar screaming three minutes before i had to go up. then i somehow squelched and channeled the dark force feelings into a palette of angst tones and earnest intentions that is pretty much my act anyway. so phew.

mondays, am i right?!